Esther Perel - Sex & Infidelity

00:00 | Trailer
03:50 | Brian’s introduction06:58 Background influences which contributed to Esther becoming a cross cultural psychologist
09:53 | A chance encounter on Liberation Day following a very dark time
10:47 | Learning from a young age of the brutality in the world, but also the possibilities for a positive life
12:35 | Circumstances can knock one person down, whilst for another, it is the catalyst to build them up
14:57 | How those who take risks manage to insulate feelings of danger so it doesn’t control them
16:03 | Why Esther is willing to question rigid certainties or authoritarianism with no room for ‘disruption’
18:16 | The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships
19:46 | The changing reasons for working in men’s lives
26:53 | Esther’s bold statement that women’s lives are not going to change until men’s lives change
28:43 | Men are constantly having to prove they are men
29:30 | Where male bonding is normative
31:15 | How the male millennial generation is seeking ways to change the need to prove masculinity
34:09 | Technology has its place but nothing surpasses face to face contact
35:10 | Love and desire relate but maybe they also conflict
39:00 | Retaining desire in a long term relationship
40:19 | Desire needs space: when couples desire their partner most
43:12 | How couples can engineer their own happiness and moments which generate desire
45:34 | We are asking one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide
48:51 | It is tragic that the average American today, in times of crisis, has only one and a half people to turn to
49:29 | Esther’s response to people who say ‘My wife is my best friend’
51:17 | What Esther wanted to facilitate with her book and first Ted talk, that was male friendly
52:38 | Why was it important for her to want it to be male-friendly
54:53 | Men don’t have a space nor language to express things about the male experience
55:13 | Brian answers Esther’s query as to how he responds to what she says in her Ted talk
56:04 | If you want comfy and safe, fine, but if you want spark, you need to get off the cosy sofa
and innovate
59:50 | Why did Esther give a second Ted talk so soon after the very successful first talk
1:02:51 | How Esther approached a talk on Infidelity
1:07:50 | Audience reaction
1:08:33 | The counter intuitive perceptions of infidelity she spoke of
1:10:30 | The power of transgression
1:15:14 | Showing the audience alternative perspectives from the polarisation of views on infidelity
1:16:51 | What do we learn about love, lust and commitment by studying infidelity
1:18:49 | Some of the myths on male and female sexuality we don’t talk about or understand
1:22:01 | Facilitating talk amongst children about sex by making it a non-issue
1:24:13 | Adopting Dutch model of sex education would stop children learning through pornographic sex which is not normal
1:26:15 | Success secrets
1:27:13 | On her own death bed how will Esther evaluate her life
1:28:21 | Esther loves connecting people and growing the network of social connections
1:29:04 | Why Esther will continue to see patients as well as lecture and write books
1:32:05 | Your old relationship is over, would you like to start another, together or with someone else
1:35:49 | Phone call to the twenty year old Esther
1:39:53 | Best advice ever received
1:41:40 | Advice to the 20 year old who wants to get their own message across
1:47:34 | Brian’s summing up.