Full transcript: IRONMIND, Episode 3
0:03 This week on Ironmind. I failed in the city. All these bad memories. I almost killed myself, like.
0:17 What motherfucker? What the f*ck? What is the human life about? What is the purpose of life?
0:29 My name is Brian Rose and I host a show called London Real. A few months ago, John Joseph, the front man of the hardcore punk band the Cro-Mags, walked into my studio. He’s the complete opposite of me. But something happened. He challenged me to race the Ironman Triathlon in Chattanooga, Tennessee on May 20th.
0:52 On a hundred percent plant based diet. Last week, Ironman trainer Samantha Murphy pushed me to the limit. And I got to see some old demons. I’m 47 years old, and I’ve never run an endurance race in my life. But they say, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
1:13 This is my journey to the Ironman. In the Vedas from India, it says that there are many planes of existence. Different levels of consciousness, if you will. And according to what we do in this life, we associate with beings on those planes. Yogic meditation bring positive beings and auras of light and positivity around you.
1:50 Drugs and alcohol bring beings of negativity, destruction, and darkness to your life. It’s up to us which world we wanna live in.
2:18 All right. Welcome to the spiritual world, bro. Wow. Look at this.
2:27 So this is Badarayana I was telling you about. One of my great mentors on this journey. My pleasure. Now John, to me, is like a modern day warrior. He’s on the fricking battlefield.
2:43 You know what I’m saying? And his weapon is music and lyrics. You know, he realises, and what, you know, what our journey has been together is that there is a underlying divine spiritual principle in life that most people aren’t in touch with. We wanna have permanent happiness, but we’re trying to do it in this temporary vehicle. So that’s a dichotomy.
3:05 There’s frustration, it’s an oxymoron. Wealth, fame, chasing women, chasing men. These things will never really satisfy the heart. And when it’s not satisfied, then we think, this drug, this intoxication, this person, we’re looking for stuff outside of ourselves. We’re right here, probably in the highest concentration in the pursuit of material things in the world.
3:27 This is the king of maya. This city is the king of maya. So, what is maya? Maya means illusion, that which is not. This place is two blocks away from where I used to live.
3:35 Avenue way, houstin. And I’m running around, trying to get more, going after more, going after more. Unless one clears the mirror of the mind, the material world will always frustrate you. Cause I’d be out there choking people in the streets. If I didn’t change.
3:52 Trust. I have direct experience of that. Trust me. This is great, this is great. We bow down to offer respects.
5:13 Of coming out of where I came from in my background of hell, you know, is that the first time I ever walked in seventh avenue? And I saw the pictures, I just, uncontrollably started sobbing. These are windows to the spiritual world. It was like a magnet, I was like, wow, this is like, the cleansing immediately started. And I started chanting again, and doing my meditation, yoga, martial art training again, training on the bike, that’s why the journey really has to include some internal work on yourself.
5:55 Now that I think about, even this black hole I fell into two blocks away from here, I think is part of the journey, you know? To realise my life wasn’t about trying to be the next billionaire and all that stuff. And then to start London Real when it wasn’t a business that was nothing, everyone was like, what’s wrong with you? Who cares if two people are talking? And then it just slowly, slowly, trying to get these messages out to people.
6:22 Which ultimately is what is this all about. And steeped inside almost every episode of the show. Then they say, we are all one. You know, all this comes back to the fundamental question, what is the meaning of human life? What is the meaning of human life?
6:39 Just ask somebody that. What is life about? And see what they say. What is the human life about? What is the purpose of a life?
6:49 See what, if they don’t have an answer, which most people don’t, or it’s a really dumb one, then that tells you something right there about where we’re heading as a society. A strong body builds a strong mind. And there’s always gonna be those days when the weather’s f*cked up like it is today, and you gotta get out there and train. So if you don’t have the discipline to do that, you’re gonna find a million f*cking excuses not to train.
7:40 So why do you do push ups and pull ups if you’re training for an event where you run and you cycle and you swim? Core strength. I’m not just an ironman. If I gotta put somebody in check, last night it happened. Guy comes on a city bike, almost smashed the bike into me, I jump out the way, and push him, so he don’t hit me.
8:03 And he’s like, yo, asshole. And I say, what motherfucker? What the f*ck is. And he’s like, yo man, my bad. This is still New York.
8:19 You’re legit, son. Hell yeah.
8:26 You’re messing with high school, man. We’re building the body, but we’re building the mind. You’re doing all this shit, you’re confronting shit. But that’s why the intellect must control the mind. This is who I am.
8:46 I’m getting my shit done under any and all circumstances. The mind is looking for the slightest crack in the armour to implore it’s f*cking daggers. Keeping your mind focused, that’s what it’s all about. No motherfucking excuses.
9:10 What does the billboard say, come and play, come and play, forget about the movement. That’s the government’s job. Keep you numb and dumb to what’s really going on. They’re tools of the trade, sex, drug, lame rock and roll, alcohol, hip hop, sporting events, cars, TV, newspapers, bling, and the other bullshit they stuff down our throats on a daily basis. The real revolution is all about throwing up the middle finger to this f*cked up way of life and getting back to our original, blissful, spiritual nature.
9:56 Yo. What’s up, brother man? What’s going on, man? I just got off the phone with Samantha, you know. And she kind of told me, you had, you know, a cleansing kind of moment at the bike shop earlier.
10:14 Yeah it was pretty intense. Yeah. When I’m pushing through all that pain, all these bad memories came back. All the people I let down in this city. And it just, it just came up, you know?
10:25 In a big way. Well you know, you know what the process was. And I knew that was gonna happen. I don’t know what it is about this f*cking sport. But it attracts people that really need to do deep work on themselves.
10:38 And I was one of those people. And you’re one of those people. And I don’t wanna push you in that regard, but, I just think like, you know, as your buddy and inviting you and I think we got tight with developing an adult friendship, and telling people what the f*ck is in here, dude, that’s risk that’s fear. That’s what we’re here to do in New York, is to face all of that. And I was surprised, I mean you keep telling me it’s there but I didn’t expect that shit to happen today.
11:14 I know it’s holding me back. Yeah man, it’s like dude, you know how hard it was for me to admit like I wrote in my book that I was sexually abused as a kid for f*cking years. You know, when I wrote my book, I would get to that point where I was talking about the foster home out of fear and embarrassment, I would skip over that. Took a lot, that was my inner shit that I had, that was my therapy, that book. I went to Robert McGee’s story seminar, walk up to him and go, you know, Mr. McGee, as far as a protagonist, a central protagonist, you know, you know, having things and secrets done to him of shit’s that happened as a kid, and he goes, he goes, stop right there, child abuse is the number one cliche in film to get people to have empathy for a character we could otherwise give two shits about.
12:15 It’s not what happens to somebody. It’s what they do as a result of it.
12:25 One of the 26 qualities of the devotional path is revealing one’s mind and confidence. Otherwise, you’re gonna go back, and it’s gonna be the same shit. You know, um, I don’t know how to tell this story, but it’s probably two stories, you know? It’s this kid. Grew up in California.
12:46 Nice family. Suburbia, you know, nothing like what you went through, what you grew up with. Went to MIT with these crazy smartass guys, competed with the best, got straight A’s there. And it was just, it was on. And then boom, recruited to Wall Street, cause they wanted those engineers and those mathematicians to go down there and I gonna be the millionaire, the ten millionaire, I wanna be an MD before I’m 30, and I’m hanging out with all the guys and all these expectations on me from me.
13:21 The other side of the story is, you know, Brian starts drinking, starts like drinking. Starts drinking every night. And I don’t know if it was to get away from my own brain because my own brain is always like, that’s not good enough, that’s not good enough. All A’s, f*ck that. Next. You gotta do better.
13:40 So I get here to this crazy ass city and I see my buddies passing me by and I see myself not getting to where I wanna be and it’s all relative, but, you know, I failed in this city. And I think as I started to see that, I started to just go more and more into the addiction. And then it got worse, you know. And then, you know, the drugs come out. And at the same time, now that I look back, I guess I was doing the wrong things anyways, you know?
14:12 It was all about me and my bank account. For the wrong reasons. For the wrong reasons. And so of course I was trying to medicate myself because even when I got something, it wasn’t enough to make me happy, and I needed to find something to make me happy temporarily. Right.
14:29 And then, one night, my buddy pulls out heroine. And says, yo, check this shit out. You heard about this, right? I’m like, uh, yeah, I guess so, what’s up? Let’s do this.
14:44 I never really felt like I gave a f*ck about me or my life. And so, yeah, that was a turning point. Because for me, honestly, John, I just needed to take a break from me. And then one night in the east village, I chipped in some heroine and did a bunch of f*cking lines and then … I stopped breathing.
15:19 Wow. Yeah. Woke up in the hospital the next day. My mom and dad could have got a phone call, like your son’s dead. Like they’d be like, what the f*ck?
15:30 My son’s a f*cking successful Wall Street banker and he’s an MIT graduate and what the f*ck you talking about heroine overdose? You know? And here I am, that’s me. And I didn’t change my behaviour one bit. You know.
15:46 Wow. And so I kept at it. It just honestly got worse from there. It’s only a matter of time before everyone around you abandons you as they should. And so when I think of New York, when I did that ride with Samantha today, it’s like, man I just, I don’t know, I think of all those f*cking people I burned.
16:09 My buddy and that girl and just I think it’s just me. I just f*cking let myself down. I almost killed myself like.
16:22 I think I’m mad at myself somehow, you know. And I landed in London on January the 2nd or the 3rd, 2002. And that was where I stared to rebuild my life. And I actually never touched that shit again. I don’t know how.
16:46 I was really fragile. If you would have seen me, like, a breeze probably could have knocked me over. But I got a job and I’m just literally starting rebuilding myself and it took me years. Funny enough, John, I was always really proud of getting over this heroine addiction. Because it was f*cking horrible, you know.
17:06 Most don’t, bro. I got news for you. Most people don’t. So it’s like I’m super grateful for every day I have on this earth. You know, when that shit happens, I’m very grateful to be alive, you know, so every day is an important day.
17:25 Gratitude equals attitude. And you clawed yourself out of a deep ditch.
17:36 When you develop a spiritual power, nothing in the material world can touch you. Look at the lotus. Where does it exist? Comes out of a stem and it exists above dirty water and it’s never affected. Be very f*cking diligent in your life.
17:58 And that comes through sadhana. Sadhana is your practise every day. Whether it’s yoga, meditation, or whatever it is you do, the physical challenges that come with doing and Ironman or, you know, to me, that’s a spiritual process, too. That’s what left the old John Joseph McGowan in the past. Did I slip up? F*ck yeah I did.
18:24 From 19 f*cking 88 to 1990. Did I give up? F*ck no.
18:44 I pulled you up on this f*cking bridge for a reason. This is like a painting of your f*cking past. Wall Street where you made all your money. Here where you ruined your f*cking life, almost. It’s time for you to man up.
19:01 To once and for all, tell your mind who the f*ck is boss. I need a f*cking answer. What’s it gonna be? Are you gonna make me race by myself, or are we crossing the finish line together? F*ck it man, let’s do this.
19:17 That’s it. That’s what I wanna hear.
19:25 Next week on Iron Minds. It’s not acceptable for me to not finish this race. I was in New York last week, and I’ve just been challenged to run an Ironman in 90 days on a 100% plant based diet. No, impossible.
