Dan Bilzerian’s Instagram made him one of the most-followed men online, and the women in his posts were a big part of that. In this clip from his 2019 London Real interview, Brian Rose asks him the obvious questions: how it started, why the women stay, whether he’s addicted, and what he thinks of marriage.
Bilzerian’s answers are blunt, often provocative, and occasionally more thoughtful than his image suggests.
▶ Watch the full episode: Dan Bilzerian – Pleasure Is Not Happiness
Jealousy built the brand
Bilzerian says his early posts were “lifestyle stuff”, then guns, and then the girls. What surprised him was the driving force behind the attention: jealousy. Women seeing other attractive women interested in a man was, in his view, more powerful than money, and perhaps second only to fame. Today, he says, it has a life of its own. He once stopped posting for a month or two expecting it to fade, and it didn’t.
“More normal than people let on”
Brian asks if he is the modern Hugh Hefner, and why puritan America struggles with the image of one man with many women. Bilzerian argues that society has recently redrawn the lines on things that went on for thousands of years. Having more than one wife was once normal, he says. He believes a small minority of men have always ended up with most of the partners. Social media has simply made it public.
Honesty as a strategy
The most interesting part of the clip is about honesty. Bilzerian says he has never lied to the women in his life, and that this made things easier, not harder. His reasoning: nobody lies in the direction of an answer the other person doesn’t want to hear. So when he gives an honest answer that a woman wouldn’t want, she knows it’s true, and “it builds trust.”
Why do they stay? He lists reasons: some want to be famous, some are having fun, some genuinely like him, some want adventure, and many have just broken up with a boyfriend and want to annoy him.
The DM effect
Social media, he says, has changed access. A woman who once needed a manager to reach a celebrity can now just send a message. It works for him too. He describes watching a documentary about the “Iron Cowboy”, who completed 50 Ironman triathlons in 50 days in 50 states, messaging him, and hearing back. It even motivated him to start doing more cardio again.
“Never enough”
Asked if there’s a limit, Bilzerian compares money and women to a black hole: it never feels like enough. When Brian asks if he is addicted to sex, he says yes, something he says he came to terms with over the previous three years or so. Even the most successful men, he argues, often chase as hard as everyone else.
His case against marriage
For someone in his position, he sees little upside in marriage. It makes sense if you want a family in a quiet life, he says, but otherwise it’s a bet on half your assets and on loving someone forever, with the government involved if you want out. Having no easy exit, he thinks, makes people want to leave.
His final point lands closer to home. The main reason people stay in unhappy relationships, he says, is laziness: fear of the unknown and the comfort of routine. One day they wake up at 40 doing the same thing every day, and that, he believes, is part of the appeal of an unpredictable life like his.
Who is Dan Bilzerian?
Dan Bilzerian is a professional poker player, entrepreneur and social media personality. He went through Navy SEAL training, studied at the University of Florida, and became famous for documenting a lavish lifestyle on Instagram. He later founded the cannabis and CBD company Ignite.
In the full 2019 episode, he talks with Brian Rose about women, cannabis, poker and why, in his words, pleasure is not happiness. You can also watch his other popular clip: Dan Bilzerian – Why You Shouldn’t Chase Women.
See everything Dan Bilzerian has done with London Real on his guest page: Dan Bilzerian on London Real.
More on London Real
Transcript
Transcript: Dan Bilzerian – Why He Has So Many Women In His Life (And His Case Against Marriage)
0:00 Brian Rose: Let’s talk about the women, because a lot of people know you because of the women. How did it all start? You started posting the guns, but then you said the girls got more, and later the cannabis got more, which we’ll get to.
0:22 Dan Bilzerian: Initially it was kind of lifestyle stuff, and then I put the girls stuff in there too. And it’s funny, because the jealousy was actually more of a driving force than anything else. If girls see other hot girls that are interested in you, I think that’s the most powerful driving factor, more so than the money and the fame and all the others. Well, maybe not more than fame. Fame is kind of a trump card. It’s a crazy thing. Situations that would never happen otherwise.
0:59 Brian Rose: Has it now taken on a life of its own? Can you control it now?
1:02 Dan Bilzerian: There’s no stopping it now. The train has left the station. I didn’t post for a month or two and figured it would kind of go away, and it’s just not going.
1:15 Brian Rose: You’ve probably heard the connections with Hugh Hefner. Are you the modern-day Hugh Hefner? The image of one guy with eight women, like you do or Hef does, does everyone’s head in, in puritan America, with its family values. Why is that such a hard thing for people to get their heads around?
1:39 Dan Bilzerian: I don’t know. I think recently society has said certain things are OK and certain things are super bad that had been going on for thousands of years. Back in the day it was normal for a person to have more than one wife. Not that long ago, if you won a battle you would rape and pillage and steal stuff from the village, and that was fine. Now that would be crazy war crimes. I just think in the last hundred years things have changed a lot.
2:16 Dan Bilzerian: But I think it’s more normal than people let on. If you look at the animal kingdom, there’s one stud animal that has sex with most of the females. And I think in our society that’s actually what happens; it’s just not broadcast as much. I think 5% of the guys have sex with pretty much all the girls. So I think it’s been happening. Before social media, I don’t think it was as public.
2:58 Dan Bilzerian: I also think it’s a little bit counterproductive to post about it, because a lot of these guys would do it a little more on the slick. And I’ve always just been like, f*ck it. I always tell the girls the truth. I’ve never lied about anything, which surprisingly made it easier.
3:23 Dan Bilzerian: Let’s say I asked a girl I was dating, “How many guys did you have sex with last week?” and she told me six. I’d know she was telling me the truth, because no girl would lie in that direction. Or if I asked how many guys she’d had sex with in her whole life, and she told me 537, I would know she was telling me the truth. So when these girls ask me questions and I tell them answers they normally wouldn’t want to hear, it builds trust. It’s a strange thing, a little counterintuitive.
4:07 Brian Rose: And why do they stay?
4:09 Dan Bilzerian: Different reasons. Some of them want to be famous. Some of them are having fun. Some of them genuinely like me. Some of them just enjoy the lifestyle. Some are there for the adventure. Some are there because they’re not supposed to be there. A lot of them come because they’ve broken up with a boyfriend and want to piss him off. That’s the number one, I think.
4:35 Brian Rose: How does one get to your house?
4:38 Dan Bilzerian: As a girl, it’s kind of tough. They’ve got to know somebody, or sometimes the DMs work. We’ve got a lot of photographers that work for us, so maybe through that. It’s easier now. Back in the day, if a girl wanted to get in touch with a celebrity, it was difficult unless she knew somebody or a manager to set it up. Now they can go straight to the source and DM them.
5:16 Dan Bilzerian: And it’s true for me too. I watched the show about the Iron Cowboy the other day. This guy did 50 Ironman triathlons in 50 days in 50 states. I watched this documentary and I was like, holy sh*t, that’s insane. The previous record was 30 in a year, which was set by him. So 50 consecutive ones was just absurd. I ended up DMing the guy, saying I was super impressed, that it actually motivated me to start doing more cardio again, and he hit me back and we started talking.
6:01 Dan Bilzerian: It’s crazy to have that access. You could watch a movie and hit somebody up. I could immediately connect with them. That’s one of the interesting things about social media: it gives girls access. If they want to hook up with these celebrities, they can now. So a lot of the girls will just DM me, and it all happens pretty seamlessly.
6:29 Brian Rose: Are you always looking for more girls? Is there a cap, or do you have too many?
6:32 Dan Bilzerian: Money and girls are like a black hole. I feel like there’s never enough. You never feel like you have enough money. I don’t know, it’s a weird thing, and that’s still the case today. I’m a little overloaded right now, but every girl is different, so it’s always a different experience.
6:55 Brian Rose: Would you say you’re addicted to sex?
7:00 Dan Bilzerian: Yeah.
7:01 Brian Rose: And you’ve known that for a while?
7:03 Dan Bilzerian: I think I’ve come to terms with it recently, maybe in the last three years.
7:10 Brian Rose: And you’ve found a way, like a functional addict?
7:14 Dan Bilzerian: It’s a weird addiction, because I feel like a lot of guys would have it but they just can’t act on it. Almost all guys don’t have as much sex as they’d want, and that goes even for the 5%. Even the super famous guys. A lot of those guys chase as much as the guy at the bar who has sex once a year.
7:55 Brian Rose: What are your thoughts on marriage?
8:02 Dan Bilzerian: I don’t see a ton of upside in it for a guy in my position. I guess if you lived in the Midwest and wanted to have a family and kids, it would make sense. Otherwise it’s a gamble on 50% of your assets. It’s a big bet. You’re betting that you’re going to love her forever. And you’re also involving the government: if you want a divorce, you have to ask the government for permission. I think that dynamic alone makes both people feel kind of trapped. When you put somebody in a situation where they have no out, it makes them want to get out. I just think the whole idea is a little bit flawed.
8:53 Brian Rose: So there are a lot of these invisible contracts we have, like boyfriends and being faithful, and the marriage one isn’t so invisible.
9:02 Dan Bilzerian: That’s what I’m saying. It’s a whole process. If you catch her f*cking the plumber, you can’t just walk. You have to go to court, you have to talk to the government, you have to give her a certain amount, split up the house. It’s so different from dating. There are so many more serious implications.
9:25 Brian Rose: You said some people just stay in relationships because they don’t have better options.
9:35 Dan Bilzerian: I think the main reason people stay in relationships is laziness. I think there’s a decent number of them who are unhappy, or who would be happier with somebody else, but they’re afraid of the unknown, or they’re comfortable, and they just don’t want to go out and find somebody more compatible. So they get stuck in a routine. That’s what happens to a lot of people in their lives. Then they wake up one day and they’re 40 and they’ve been doing the same f*cking thing every day.
10:18 Dan Bilzerian: They look at my Instagram and say, oh sh*t, here’s a guy who’s doing something different all the time. He’s living outside the box, experiencing something new, having sex with different girls, travelling to different places. Who knows what he’s going to do next? I think that’s part of the appeal. It’s unorthodox, it’s unknown, it’s unpredictable.
