What would you tell your 20-year-old self if you could pick up the phone? Brian Rose puts that question to Dr Gabor Maté at the end of their 2017 London Real interview, and the answer is one of the gentlest moments in the conversation.
In this clip Maté speaks to his younger self, shares the two best pieces of advice he was ever given, and offers a few words for any young person who wants to change how the world thinks about addiction.
▶ Watch the full episode: Dr Gabor Maté – Why You Are Addicted
A call to the 20-year-old Gabor
At 20, Maté explains, he was not yet at medical school. His ADD made the concentration and discipline it needed too much for him, and he did not start until he was 28. What he did have was a plan to save the world through politics.
His advice to that young man is simple: “Look inside.” He is not telling him to ignore politics, but to give his inner life at least as much attention as the world outside. He would also tell him that he does not need to work so hard to be liked and loved, to relax, and to let life come to him rather than forcing it.
Then come the lines that go deepest. Open your heart, he says, not just your clever brain. And, crucially, “it’s not your fault.” Not the way the world is, and not even the way you are. Just accept yourself.
An aunt, Auschwitz and Shakespeare
Asked for the best advice he ever received, Maté tells two stories. The first is about his aunt, a doctor who had wanted to be a writer but went to medical school to satisfy her father. She was taken to Auschwitz, where she saw her parents sent to the gas chambers while she was sent the other way. He describes her as a sensitive, wounded soul who saw him more clearly as a boy than he could see himself.
She once wrote to him with a line from Shakespeare: “To thine own self be true.” Maté admits it is a cliché, and that in Hamlet it comes from Polonius, where it is almost hypocritical. But it is true, he says, and he wishes he had understood it at the time.
Write when you have something to teach
The second piece of advice came from a patient. As a family doctor in Vancouver, Maté still felt a part of him that wanted to write. One of his patients was Warren Tallman, a well-known literary figure and former English professor at the University of British Columbia. When Maté told him he wanted to write but did not know what, Tallman told him not to worry: he would write when he had something to teach the world. That, Maté says, is exactly what happened.
Advice for anyone who wants to change things
Finally, Brian asks what he would say to a young person who wants to help change how we see drugs, addiction and our own behaviour. Maté’s answer is about holding your nerve. Many people see the truth, he says, but they do not control the media, so you may not get validation. Believe in your own truth, deepen your relationship with it, and you will find others who see it too.
He adds a balancing note: do not be afraid to let go of your truth if a deeper one speaks to you. And whatever work you do in the world, “do an equal amount of work internally”, or the outer work will be less effective.
Who is Dr Gabor Maté?
Dr Gabor Maté is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician and author, known for his work on addiction, trauma and childhood development. For many years he worked with patients in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, and his books include In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Scattered and, later, The Myth of Normal.
This clip comes from his first London Real interview, Why You Are Addicted, recorded in 2017. He has since returned several times, including for The Myth of Normal in 2022.
See everything Dr Gabor Maté has done with London Real on his guest page: Dr Gabor Maté on London Real.
More on London Real
Transcript
Transcript: Dr Gabor Maté – Advice To My Younger Self: Look Inside
0:01 Brian Rose: If you could pick up the phone and make a call to the 20-year-old Gabor and give that young man a bit of advice, what would you tell him? Where was he? Getting his medical degree?
0:15 Dr Gabor Maté: No, he wasn’t. At that time his ADD was too powerful. He couldn’t go to medical school yet, because that took more concentration and discipline than I was ready for. I didn’t go to medical school until I was 28.
0:29 Dr Gabor Maté: So what do I say to the 20-year-old? Look inside. At that time I was going to save the world through politics. Not to ignore the politics, but pay at least as much attention internally, or more, than you’re casting on the outside. And you don’t have to work so hard to be liked and loved. You’re OK. Just relax, kid, and allow life to come to you. You don’t have to force it.
1:08 Dr Gabor Maté: And open your heart. Don’t just focus on your clever brain so much. Open your heart and see what possibilities reveal themselves to you. And that it’s not your fault. The way the world is, and even the way you are, it’s not your fault. It’s not a fault. Just accept yourself.
1:39 Dr Gabor Maté: Thanks for the opportunity to tell myself that, by the way.
1:42 Brian Rose: You’re welcome. We’d love to get that 20-year-old on the phone.
1:45 Dr Gabor Maté: Maybe I’m starting the healing process that will continue in Peru.
1:49 Brian Rose: That’s some good advice. On that same note, what is the best advice you’ve ever received in your life? From a colleague, a co-worker, a quote-unquote addict, anyone? Something that stood out for you.
2:06 Dr Gabor Maté: I’ll tell you two things. One is, I had an aunt who was a physician herself. She had not wanted to be a doctor, she wanted to be a writer, but complying with her father’s wishes, she went to medical school. And she was taken to Auschwitz, where she saw her parents taken in one direction, to the gas chambers, and she was sent in another. A very sensitive, very wounded soul. But she saw me much more clearly when I was young than I could see myself.
2:49 Dr Gabor Maté: And once she quoted Shakespeare to me. I know it’s a cliché, and I know that in the mouth of the character Polonius, in whom Shakespeare puts this phrase, it’s even hypocrisy. But it’s so true. She wrote to me: “To thine own self be true.” I wish I had understood what that meant. But that’s the best advice I got.
3:24 Dr Gabor Maté: And then, when I was a physician, the part of me that wanted to write hadn’t really expressed himself, because that was really in me, to write and to share something with the world. I had a patient who used to be an English professor at the University of British Columbia, quite a well-known Canadian poet, Warren Tallman. And I said to him when he came to the office once for a medical visit: Warren, I want to write, but I don’t know what. And he said: don’t worry about it. You will write when you have something to teach the world. And that’s what happened. When you asked that question, those two incidents were evoked for me.
4:11 Brian Rose: They’re both very good. The last part of that: to that 20-year-old that’s out there listening to us right now, who wants to grow up and do some good in the world, to maybe help advance some of these thoughts and agendas, what advice do you give to them?
4:28 Dr Gabor Maté: I’m not sure I understand your question now.
4:30 Brian Rose: To that 20-year-old that’s listening to us.
4:32 Dr Gabor Maté: Yeah, not myself now.
4:33 Brian Rose: Yeah, not yourself. Someone that wants to get out there and make some of these changes we’re talking about, to try to open up the world’s eyes when it comes to the war on drugs and the way we consider addiction and the way we look at addicts and the way we look at our own behaviour. And they want to make a difference in the world. What advice would you give to them?
4:53 Dr Gabor Maté: Well, I would say that there are a lot of people out there who see the truth, but they don’t control the media, and they don’t write the scripts for most movies. So therefore you might not get validation out there. But you have to believe in your own truth, and you have to deepen your relationship to your truth. And you’ll connect with people who are also seeing the same truth as you are, even if they don’t see it the way you do.
5:22 Dr Gabor Maté: So never be afraid of your own truth, and to explore it. Also, don’t be afraid to let go of it, if you find that there’s a deeper truth that speaks to you. And at the same time, whatever you do out there in the world, do an equal amount of work internally. Because if you don’t, your work in the world will not be as effective.
