Sadia Khan - Why ‘Nice Guys’ Always Finish Last & How To Be More Alpha To Get Results

Full transcript: Sadia Khan on London Real

3:17 Brian Rose: This is London Real. I am Brian Rose. My guest today is this is London Real. I am Brian Rose. My guest today is Sadia Khan, the psychologist, teacher, and relationship experts.

3:36 Your background is in education and developmental psychology, specializing in helping people better understand their relationships with friends, family, and most importantly, their partners. You’ve amassed a huge audience on social media, with many of your videos racking up millions of views. You believe that most modern relationships are fundamentally unhealthy with people failing to recognize their own insecurities and the impact of their childhood trauma.

4:01 You said that the rise of negative role models online is creating narcissistic women while pornography is making men incapable of connecting on both a physical and emotional level. You argue that dating culture has become transactional with both men and women struggling to build genuine connections due to an overabundance of choice and a lack of emotional awareness. Sadia, welcome back to London Real in Dubai.

4:25 Sadia Khan: Thank you. I do not sound like a bundle of joy based on that, do I?

4:29 Brian Rose: Like everything is wrong with the world.

4:31 Sadia Khan: But that is exactly how I feel, unfortunately. So, yes, it’s exactly right.

4:34 Brian Rose: You do it with a smile.

4:36 Sadia Khan: So, I do.

4:36 I’m like, “Oh, your life is going to be over, but with a smile.” But no, this is just the current climate and the problems at the moment, but there’s always solutions to all of the problems.

4:45 Brian Rose: I hope so because I want to address a bunch of issues. This isn’t necessarily for men, but you know, I’ve got questions as a man, and a lot of our viewers and listeners are men. But I think both sexes can get a lot from this.

4:56 Sadia Khan: Absolutely.

4:57 Brian Rose: You have just some type of a wisdom about you. I don’t know really what it is. I think it’s a combination of your background and maybe a little bit of your religion and where you grew up. But maybe we jump into something super relevant which is I’m in Dubai right now.

5:12 Sadia Khan: Yes. Welcome.

5:13 Brian Rose: Thank you. Thank you. I’ve been here two months.

5:16 Last year I spent a couple months here. I’ve been coming back and forth for the last couple years. And normally I’m in London and I know you spend time in both cities. And yet both cities are major capitals in the world and yet very very different. Yes.

5:30 From so many perspectives and I’m assuming also from a dating and relationship perspective. And so let’s jump in there.

5:36 Sadia Khan: Absolutely.

5:37 Brian Rose: How is Dubai different than London?

5:38 Sadia Khan: Well, I’d be interested in how you find it different.

5:41 Brian Rose: I would be interested in what you think is the main difference.

5:45 Sadia Khan: What I found to be the when I see the markets to be fair certain behaviors are getting globalized because people with money in London spend a lot of time in Dubai. So certain behaviors are getting globalized but generally speaking the standards are totally different. So in Dubai it’s very typical for a woman to expect men to pay her rent to expect a really nice lavish restaurant and men to expect a 10 out of 10 supermodel.

6:08 It’s very like high expectations on both ends. In London, it’s low expectations on both ends. It’s very much like everything is kind of low expectations because life in itself is not that exciting. Life is not that intriguing. It’s not that exciting.

6:23 So, what I found, what I find the main key difference is why I think relationships last longer in the UK than they do in Dubai. Is Dubai there’s so many alternatives to being in a relationship. There’s so many other ways to stimulate your life outside of a relationship. You can run on the beach. You can go to nice restaurants.

6:39 You can meet new people. Being single is really fun. You can be on a boat. If you’re not in a relationship, you can still have a great life. But in London or the UK, if you’re not in a relationship, most of your days get dark by the time it’s 4:00.

6:50 You’re going straight home, going to the gym, then getting ready for work. Without a partner, it feels very, very lonely and it feels very like empty. So I can see why people tend to be in more toxic relationships and that they’re just settling in London. Whereas in Dubai they’re in more fleeting relationships that kind of are a bit more like transient because they can replace people quite quickly and easily and their life itself is quite stimulating. So they don’t need to invest in a relationship as much.

7:14 So both of them have their flaws but for different reasons.

7:17 Brian Rose: That’s really interesting. What do you find? Well, and again, like we were talking earlier about like just the energy levels in Dubai and London. And London, I always tell people when I look around in Dubai, everybody is here intentionally.

7:28 Yes. The woman who serves me coffee at Starbucks and the taxi driver, everybody comes here for a better life. And you could say they should be paid more or blah blah blah blah, but everyone is having a better life here and they intentionally came here. So, the energy is like really high.

7:41 Sadia Khan: Well, the energy is of gratitude as well.

7:43 Brian Rose: Yeah, there’s a general energy of gratitude and like an aura of happiness to some extent. I’m not saying I don’t know the ins and out, but there’s a general gratitude to be here. Whereas in London, I walk around and I’d say four out of five people are phoning it in. Like they’re collecting a check. They don’t really want to be there.

7:59 They’re grinding it out and you feel this energy of this and also it’s a falling empire, right? Whereas maybe 200 years ago, you know, the UK the London was a rising empire and Dubai is a rising empire. And so it’s got all this excitement and anticipation of where we’re going where everybody in London pretty has to admit that it’s worse than it was 10 years ago and 10 years from now it’s going to be worse than it is now.

8:21 Sadia Khan: It is. And they make themselves feel better by saying, “Oh, but I would never want to live in Dubai.

8:26 They’ve got slave labor. I would never want to live in Dubai. It’s so shallow.”

8:29 Brian Rose: But really, it’s like there’s slave labor. There’s homelessness in London.

8:32 There’s so much going

8:33 Sadia Khan: I think I feel like a slave in London. I feel like I work and 40% goes to the government. I feel like a slave here as soon as I land. And I feel like£5 to park here,5 to breathe here. Whereas I land in Dubai and it’s like, “Oh, you’re a tourist.

8:45 Here’s a SIM card.” Or, “Oh, welcome. Here’s this, here’s that.” There’s a general hospitality as soon as you land in the Middle East that you will never find in Western cultures and in particular in London. There’s a lack of hospitality because there is no abundance.

8:58 Unfortunately, the government takes everything from you. So, I can see why people are like that. I can understand because I’ve been there myself. I’ve been there totally myself and now shifting to a more hospitable environment, I couldn’t be more lucky.

9:09 Brian Rose: Damn, Sadia, you’re even wiser than I thought.

9:11 Sadia Khan: No, it’s true though. You’re right, cuz when you land in London, it feels oppressing. And if you think about it, they’re taking 40% of your income and they’re delivering you dirty tube stops and an NHS where you can’t get in an appointment and homelessness everywhere and bad police and I still can’t accept things like ULEZ and things like these kind of charges where I’m just like extra tax. Yeah, extra and old cars have to pay to go drive around. But it’s like you’re already they’re already obviously poorer because they’re driving the old cars and you’re taxing them for driving there.

9:38 I’m like these poor people. No wonder they’re hostile. I can completely understand it. So that’s why I got a bit of resentment towards London. Only because I was told my whole life, this is the best city in the world.

9:49 Best city, best city, best city. So I was like, okay, I’m in the best city, but why don’t I feel it? And then when you move abroad, you realize that anywhere with good weather is better for me personally.

9:58 Brian Rose: No, I think you have a good point. And I think your assessment of maybe men and women are probably correct.

10:02 I would say women in London traditionally have not had to maybe go out of their way as much when it comes to, you know, looks as maybe their equivalents in New York City or LA. I don’t know why that is. I would say yeah, here like you said, there’s a lot of pretty girls. There’s a lot of successful men or at least people who at least pretend to be successful. That’s maybe that’s a good effort.

10:28 It’s like if you’re if you’re a woman, you can at least pretend to be good-looking, too. The effort is appreciated. When I go to events, people really dress up, you know? They go out of their way. The women put on makeup, the men dress up, which getting a man to dress up in London is a very hard thing to do.

10:44 Sadia Khan: And like everyone makes an effort and I it’s always like surprising. It’s noticeable to me. And in London, I would hang out in places where people would normally dress up and I still notice it here. I always felt like overdressed in London. People always make you almost make you feel bad for being welldressed.

10:58 They’re always like, “Oh, where are you going? Why are you always in heels?” Or it’s almost like they don’t want you to be your best potential. And even sometimes online, they’re like, “Oh, take your makeup off.” Because they’re so used to being a low lower level of themselves.

11:09 Whereas when you go to, it’s not for everybody. This is where I think if you meet girls who hate Dubai, chances are it’s girls that feel intimidated by the level of beauty standards here. Whereas, and similarly, if you meet men that hate Dubai, it’ll be they’re intimidated by the financial standards of the men here. It’s usually people Who are intimidated and as a result, they’ll say, “Oh, I don’t like it. I don’t like it.” and they’ll say, “Oh, shallow, shallow, shallow.”

11:29 But really, you can meet very like-minded people. It’s just that those like-minded people still live an elevated life. So, it’s very competitive. And those people that I always find that said, “Oh, I hate it. It’s so shallow.

11:39 It’s so not me.” It’s people who literally couldn’t compete in those two areas, looks or money, and they kind of kind of filter themselves out.

11:46 Brian Rose: That’s interesting. You know, I was just talking with a guest earlier about money. You know, it’s interesting about this city is that since there’s so much money, I feel like people are looking at what you have besides money.

11:58 And so I would say to a man who might feel intimidated of being here is that actually your character and your work and your reputation and your vision is maybe more important here than it is in London. Because here, like I said, there’s there is a lot of money around. So that doesn’t delineate you. And same there’s a lot of beauty. So those things alone aren’t actually enough.

12:18 Sadia Khan: Yeah. It’s nice you because if that’s all you have is beauty as a girl you’ll come to Dubai and be like every girl is beautiful now I got to actually be a nice person and same thing with men it’s like if I only have money it’s like but every man has a lot of money here so it actually forces you to work on your networking skills your independent skills like just other skills if you want to there is a very really really shallow side to it there’s a super super shallow side to Dubai which I completely understand but if you ignore that part and just take the high like standards of living there’s nowhere better

12:48 Brian Rose: that’s so counterintuitive that a place that from the outside looks like the ultimate in bling and the ultimate, you know, shallow place actually has a lot more depth going on.

12:56 Sadia Khan: I find it really deep for I found so many great connections out here. I love the Islamic kind of culture as well here. I know it’s kind of disappearing a bit with the influx, but I generally find like for me it’s a city that suits my personality really really well. Does it suit yours?

13:09 Brian Rose: Yes.

13:09 Yeah. It’s not for everybody, but it definitely suits my personality to a tea. I couldn’t be happier and I feel lucky all the time that I live here and I’m always worried like if they ever leave like make me live somewhere else. I don’t know where I go. I can’t even go on holiday in peace because I’m comparing everything to Dubai.

13:23 I’m like Dubai would never do this. Dubai would never do that. So the safety the everything I know I could go on. I don’t want to bore your viewers but it really is an incredible incredible city and we can as other countries you can learn a lot from its hospitality if you want to compete with it.

13:36 Sadia Khan: Yeah, very much so.

13:37 Brian Rose: I just took my boys to Kenya for the week for safari and I got to really see a country in Africa and how they live and a lot of those people come here to work and so you really see a contrast of what they can get at home versus what they could get here or build here and it’s just an amazing jewel kind of lucky in the Middle East.

13:55 Sadia Khan: I feel lucky to be here too very lucky.

13:57 Brian Rose: All right, but let’s talk about relationships. So, you have clients, I’m guessing, in both London and Dubai.

14:03 Sadia Khan: Yes.

14:03 Brian Rose: And you talked a little bit about these interesting standards. And I think you’re right. I mean, there’s so many options here that maybe you don’t have to have that significant other, whereas in the UK in your life of toil and darkness, you need somebody to hold on to at the end of the day just to make it through. Yeah.

14:20 Sadia Khan: I was so like sometimes I’d have clients come to me and there’d be these awful, awful toxic relationships. So, they don’t even like each other. They genuinely hate each other. They’re not even attracted to each other. They have nothing in common.

14:31 And they’re fighting to make it work. They won’t let go of each other. And I would always have this kind of like, but why? I couldn’t understand why. But when I go to London in like December, November, and I look outside the window and it’s raining, it’s miserable.

14:43 I’m like, I completely get it. I completely get it. If you don’t have a friends and family, even if you do, you don’t even visit them that much. So if you can’t if you’re home by yourself and it’s dark and miserable, it’s almost better to choose the comfort of the chaos than do it’s otherwise it’s just isolation. So then I had a complete understanding of why they stay in these really unfulfilling relationships.

15:03 So I think it helps because then I become less judgmental because I normally would be like but you can leave like you can be in a healthy scenario but the alternatives are so minimal in certain cultures and certain environments that I can understand why people stay.

15:17 Brian Rose: Okay. And so people are looking at that dark day and that rain coming out and they’re in a relationship that they don’t really want to be in. How do you tell people to break a relationship? And do you have to say to them, look, there is a way to get into the next relationship?

15:32 Because I’m guessing a lot of people, especially if they’ve been in marriages for 10 or 20 years, they think, I’m never going to find someone else. I don’t want to go on a dating app.

15:39 Sadia Khan: Of course. And how do you walk people through that? Well, here’s what I say to them.

15:42 Just imagine your partner doesn’t change at all for the rest of your life. Nothing changes. They’re exactly how you met them today. And then say to yourself, can I accept them for who they are? Rather than begging them to change.

15:54 The moment you ask yourself that question, can I accept them? Because they’re not going to change. Majority of people, even if you look at your own parents, I know my parents my whole life, they haven’t changed drastically. Yeah, they’re relatively the same people, which I’m glad like I’m happy that they are. But in terms of their marriage, they haven’t changed much.

16:08 So people don’t change. And they think, but what if they go therapy? What if they watch a bunch of your podcasts, whatever. But generally only if you really they’ll only change if they meet somebody else who has a different set of standards. Now, what I mean by that is if I’m constantly cheating on my husband, I’m disrespecting him.

16:22 I’m this, that, and the other. Chances are I’ll never change with my husband because he’s tolerated that. But if I choose another man who’s got higher standards, maybe I’ll change. But with the same person, it’s like starting to work really hard at your job when really you’re already a pres like the CEO and it’s you’ve already been promoted 100 times. Why would you change?

16:39 But in a new company, you have to show what like your levels. So that’s why I would say in this relationship, can you accept them for exactly who they are? If the answer is no way, then I say stop expecting change and then you have to leave. You’re just wasting your own time. But if you can accept who they are, then just accept and stop nagging at them about the things that you don’t like.

16:58 But radical acceptance will help them realize whether or not they can actually put up with this for the rest of their life.

17:05 Brian Rose: Okay. All right. Got it. Questions about the alpha male versus the nice guy.

17:09 Sadia Khan: Mhm. Versus the fake alpha male.

17:11 Brian Rose: Oh, the fake alpha males, the ones with podcasts and telling everybody how alpha they are, they’re the ones. But the problem with men out there is that I’d say by default, most of us try to be the nice guy because we don’t know any better. And our moms probably taught us to be the nice guy and we get nervous around the women that are good-looking and we just want to be nice even though that’s probably the worst thing to do.

17:33 And so the next step of that is if you learn some game then you try to be then you try to be the alpha which makes you the fake alpha and then over time as you improve yourself and become more of a man maybe you turn into an alpha. Yeah. So how do people negotiate that madness?

17:49 Sadia Khan: Well here’s where it starts from and this is where it’s so common in the world that we see it today. In previous generations men had very very strict fathers that were quite aggressive and hostile and stuff and they just accepted that as a norm.

18:03 Now the generation of men realize that was or they said think that was wrong. Right? So if they had that strict stern father they hated that. Whereas previous generations has accepted that’s how men come and this is the first time we’ve got men that hate their fathers raising children. So what ends up happening is they think I want to be nothing like my dad.

18:19 My dad was so hostile. He was so aggressive. I just want to like I want to be like as nice because I saw how mean he was to my mom. They kind of have that mentality because they saw those kind of relationships where the man was the boss and the woman was kind of a bit more submissive and they’re like that’s wrong because that’s what they’ve been taught that’s wrong. So they were I want to be so nice.

18:34 I want to be the opposite of my dad is a mantra of every nice guy. My dad taught me everything not to be. So they follow the instructions of their mothers. What do mothers teach you? Be don’t argue.

18:45 Don’t stand up for yourself. Don’t just listen. Just be obedient. Just listen to me and feel Sorry for me. That’s what mothers teach their kids.

18:51 Feel sorry for me. So they go into the real world and when they’re engaging with women they’re like I want to be nothing like my dad. My dad always set boundaries. My dad was a bit stern. My dad was a bit hostile.

19:00 I want to be just nice because mom says that’s what works. Be nice. In the process of doing that they emasculate themselves. So what they’ll do is they think that the way to a woman’s heart is by listening and submitting. They don’t realize the way to her heart is showing her who you are and taking her into your world.

19:16 They think let me just adapt myself into her world. Let me go to the hairdressers with her. Let me go shop for lingerie with her. Let me just wait and carry her bags. Then she’ll love me.

19:25 But really, she wants to see what you are, who you are. She wants to follow your lead. So, in the beginning stages, she might reward that. She might think, “Oh, it’s great that you just answer the calls every day and you stay on FaceTime while I do my makeup and you just, you know, pick me up anytime and you just carry my bags and you cancel your plans just to kind of watch me get my hair done.” later she will miss the fact that you don’t have an identity and she’ll miss the fact that you don’t have that masculinity and she will start to get more and more disrespectful.

19:52 So it doesn’t work being submissive to men or women. I’m not saying being hostile and being mean works. But what works really well is knowing your own identity and taking her into your world.

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21:00 Sadia Khan: But your world is one that is positive. It’s not one that’s harsh, critical, mean, or it’s not this hostile kind of alpha male. It’s a wonderful world, but she’s welcome to it, but you’re not going to contort your identity to impress her.

21:13 Instead, it’s just I’ve got an impressive life. You can join me, but it’s not I’m going to drop everything and submit to you because you’re so beautiful. And it’s keeping that identity men find really difficult in this generation. And I don’t blame them, by the way, because so many times I’m like, well, just tell her that this is unacceptable. Just tell her that.

21:28 Why should you accept that she, you know, keeps posting horrible pictures on in well, not horrible, but like really, you know, pictures on Instagram and keeps talking to her ex, why don’t you just tell her? And he’s like, but in America, if you do that, no woman will ever accept you. She’ll say you’re toxic. She’ll tell all her friends that you’re toxic. Literally, no woman accepts masculinity.

21:45 I’ve got no choice. And I thought they were exaggerating, but after I worked with a couple, I realized that they don’t actually allow him to even have boundaries. He’ll have no chance with women. So, is that true or is it just what they’re telling me?

21:56 Brian Rose: I mean, that can’t be true.

21:57 That can’t be true. It can’t be true because, you know, there are men like that now. Now, you know, in America is a whole another version. Maybe America is in even more extreme version of London. And it’s changing now a little bit, but it went very far, you know, wokeness and all the weirdness.

22:12 Sadia Khan: But maybe they’ll say that they don’t want that, but deep down inside they want someone with boundaries and structure. And I know that based on how many women complain about how narcissistic their exes were. If they all liked nice, sweet guys, why is every woman talking about a narcissistic ex? So, they’re obviously dating men that are more narcissistic or men with some kind of boundaries or men with the ability to leave or have alternatives. So they’re flocking to narcissistic men and they’re almost waiting for the narcissist to leave them and then complain about him and then post about him and then say how horrible he is.

22:43 So they obviously do have an inclination towards and I think this is what’s happened is because as men have either come in two forms in America or in western worlds they either come too nice or too narcissistic. They haven’t found the balance and if they got a choice between a nice guy and a narcissist they’ll choose a narcissist all day every day 100 times over than the nice guy. And they don’t admit that but that’s what they will choose. This narcissist term I have a real problem with.

23:05 Brian Rose: Me too. I just don’t like it because it usually means someone that just you don’t like or something bad went wrong with them. It’s like there’s that famous phrase, an alcoholic is someone who drinks as much as you do that you don’t like.

23:17 Sadia Khan: Yeah. Literally.

23:18 Brian Rose: And so it feels like that term is just thrown out for something that went wrong. But like I don’t even trust anyone that says that word anymore cuz it feels like you’re just projecting all the blame on someone else.

23:27 Sadia Khan: And you know what it’s so interesting? I have clients all the time, therapy clients. As soon as they say, “My ex is a narcissist,” I know they’re the narcissist.

23:34 I know instantly that they’re the narcissist, but they’ve just got a different form of narcissism. Their form of narcissism is becoming an excessive victim. So, they’ll say, “He was a narcissist. Why was he a narcissist?” “Well, he used to cheat on me all the time, and then I used I used to catch him, and then I used to, you know, I still wanted to I then got pregnant.

23:49 I didn’t tell him I was pregnant, and then I cancelceled the pregnancy.” And he’s like, “But he showed you everything. You still wanted to be with him. You still wanted to marry him. You still thought he would change.

23:57 And now he’s a narcissist because he won’t change even though he showed you everything. You like being a victim. You enjoy it. You like saying breadcrumbming. You know, he was then doing, you know, these buzzwords.

24:07 Brian Rose: What is breadcrumbming?

24:08 Sadia Khan: Oh, a narcissist keyword. It just means giving girls a little bit of attention, but not full attention. So, to keep her, so maybe he’ll ghost her for a week and then give her a message and she’ll be like, “Oh, look, he’s breadcrumbming me.” But you’re the idiot for responding.

24:20 Like, who? Yeah. Take some ownership. Take some ownership. Like, no one can breadcrumb somebody who doesn’t accept crumbs.

24:26 It’s only for those people who are begging for crumbs that accept bravecoming. But they don’t want that conversation. They like to create this, oh, but what if he’s a covert narcissist or what if he’s over? This terminology is so embarrassing to hear adults describe other adults as narcissists rather than just saying, you know what, at that time I just had low self-esteem. I just accept anything.

24:43 At that time, I was an idiot. Or at that time, I was just super lonely. And we’ve all been there. At that time, I was super lonely. I just accepted it.

24:50 It’s my own fault. I knew he was full of And I knew he used to do this before. And he told me he cheated on an ex as well. My own fault. What can you do?

24:56 We learn that’s self-awareness, but narcissism and is so childish. And to see that people have created a whole army of followers online simply by using that term is insane. Insane to me. But what can you do? Yeah.

25:10 Brian Rose: I used to have a red flag when I’d interview people and someone would say, “Oh, I got screwed over by this person or I got messed out of a business deal.” And that was always a red flag because it’s like, really? You’re not going to take some ownership over that? Every time I’ve lost money, it’s been my fault because I either I chose Yes. Of course, people can scam and this that and the other, but me, I was stupid at that point.

25:28 Sadia Khan: I I’m 100% I was stupid. Or even if I’ve been hurt by somebody, it’s something in me, but I also don’t think there’s anything wrong in getting things wrong in life. It’s okay to accept that at that time that I was dating an artist. Maybe I was a bit overweight. I didn’t really like how I looked, so I accepted a bit of attention from somebody was wrong for me.

25:42 Or maybe at that time, I was out of a job. I didn’t really like my life, so I just needed some company and I accepted this terrible person. No problem. But to blame it entirely on them and not on your engaging with that kind of behavior is so childish. Okay.

25:55 Brian Rose: So, we don’t want to be the nice guy because sooner or later she’s not going to respect you. And that comes from deep deep down physical level, subconscious level, she ultimately is looking for someone who can protect

26:06 Sadia Khan: desexualize you. That’s the key. Yeah, that’s the key. You can be as nice as possible, but if you if you become the nice guy, you get desexualized.

26:14 You The key thing with nice men is not that they’re too nice, is that they lack Masculinity. And without that masculinity, women cannot be sexually invested in you. They can use you and they can be your best friend and they can be your girlfriend, but you will lose intimacy because which means no relationship eventually. You’re just flat mates. There has to be something sexual there.

26:31 Otherwise, there is no relationship. They go hand in hand. They go hand in otherwise you become like siblings. The key thing is when you remove intimacy from a relationship, you live like siblings. And what I mean by that is with your siblings.

26:41 You love them because you’re supposed to love them, but you actually hate them. Like you’ll fight over a remote where you start beating them up or they’re the only people if they eat a sandwich you’ll want to punch them. Like we don’t get physical with our colleagues if they eat our sandwich. Siblings, we hate them because they’re so intimately close to us, but there’s no actual attraction or affection. Nobody really kisses and hugs their siblings.

26:59 They do with their nieces and like family, but not now. This is what couples turn into when there’s no intimacy. You’re stuck with this person for life. They’re in your space all day, every day. They help themselves to everything you own, but you’re not actually intimate in any way.

27:13 So, they’re a nuisance. And that’s what siblings, you get a sibling type relationship. So small things turn into big fights when it comes to siblings. The same thing with couples that are not sleeping together. I’ll have a couple on the call and the way they fight over just maybe the volume of the thing and you put the volume too loud on the Zoom call.

27:29 I’m like, you two don’t sleep together, do you? Because this is only how siblings fight. And the other thing to siblings is couples that don’t sleep with each other that do this. So it’s the desexualizing is really, really important. If you get desexualized in your relationship, you turn into a sister to a woman.

27:43 Brian Rose: Wow. You’ve just explained why I don’t like my brother and sister. They’re so annoying. That’s so weird. I’ve never heard anyone explain that because you’re stuck with them.

27:52 Sadia Khan: You’re stuck with them for life. Love without the intimacy without affect with your parents. You still kiss them, hug them, you tell them you love them all the time. Nieces and nephews, like you could snuggle them all day. It’s amazing.

28:02 Children, too. They’re amazing. But with siblings, you have all of the stuck together, all the intimacy, like but none of the affection. So, you end up hating each other. It’s so weird.

28:10 Brian Rose: I just thought I was a terrible person. Terrible brother.

28:13 Sadia Khan: No, no. It’s just natural. It was so supernatural.

28:16 Brian Rose: Okay. Wow. Now, you said something earlier about how if you’re raised by the mother and you reject the father, then you go with all these kind of I don’t know, feminine energy traits. The other thing I I saw you on a show one time talking about the single mother raising you and how that’s super dangerous because often times her narrative will be, oh, your father did this and this and this and this and she even sucks more of the potential masculinity out of a man.

28:40 Can you talk about that?

28:41 Sadia Khan: Because these days the it’s super high. It’s like 60% of all men are raised without father figures. There’s nothing more single-handedly more damaging to children’s mental health than being raised by a single mother. And I have to say that out loud honestly and I would say this even if I became a single mother.

28:56 Brian Rose: You must get so much hate by saying

28:58 Sadia Khan: I could care less.

28:58 Brian Rose: That’s why I love you.

29:00 Sadia Khan: I might become a single mother. I’m not saying this as like, oh, I’m holier than that. But we’re supposed to cherish the single mothers for doing the impossible job.

29:07 And you know in America if you’re a victim you’re always right. Yeah. That’s it. The moment you make a mistake, that means you’re right. Isn’t it crazy how the woke culture seeps into our relationships and then causes men and women to not even like each other, but it starts off as a victim narrative.

29:21 It actually affects our romance and then even our procreation. And the way they damage their children with zero guilt. And what I mean by this is so many moms come to me and they’re like, “Oh, I don’t allow access to the dad because he’s a danger. Why is he a danger?” Well, even if it’s even if sometimes he is a danger, no problem.

29:39 I do agree that sometimes a man is a danger. Maybe there’s been some physical abuse or anything like that. I completely understand. But firstly, I can guarantee you he hit you before you had children. Your judgment made you go and then have children with a man that’s aggressive.

29:52 Who’s to say that you might not pick a stepfather who’s aggressive or who might even hit the children. Your poor judgment is then leaving your children now without access to their father, but with a woman that chooses badly. What is the biggest cause of children and child abuse? Stepfathers. What does that tell you about who’s the danger to children?

30:08 It’s single mothers. It’s single mothers that are the danger to children more than anything else because stepfathers are a reflection of what the mother is choosing to put around the children. They aren’t these. There are plenty of evil men in the world. I completely understand.

30:22 But as a parent, it’s only my responsibility to protect my kids. It’s only your responsibility to protect your kids. I don’t care like about other people’s kids. You don’t care about my kids. This is just life.

30:31 So, it’s my job to protect them. So, if children are being harmed by stepfathers or stepmothers, it’s the biological parents fault entirely. The biological parents are and we know that there’s so many women out there that will say I never let that guy’s father because he was an alcoholic he was this he was that he was that but you chose him so your selection is still the problem now we’ve got these children without biological fathers being exposed to more men of that woman’s standard more men of that woman’s taste her taste is broken and the worst thing is this is every time I a man comes to me and he’s broken by his wife he is being alienated from his children he can’t access his children I’ll say to him what was your relationship with your mother.

31:08 Oh, my father was a narcissist. Who told you that? My mom said that. What did your mom do? No, my stepfather was a great mom.

31:13 My dad, he was a piece of blah, blah, blah. Then we always learn and we dig deeper. We realize mom alienated the father and hated the father. And then what happens is he ends up selecting women that alienate fathers. They think it’s normal to hate your dad.

31:26 They create a culture in their own home where dads aren’t respected because mom hated her dad, he hated his dad. And then they just create children who have no respect for fathers. And then when they’re alienated, they’re shocked. So when the men have been alienated from their fathers, usually through their mom’s brainwashing, they attach to women with daddy issues always because they feel sympathy. They’re like, “Yeah, my dad did that, too.”

31:45 They bond over this stupid kind of bonding technique. My dad was a narcissist, too. High five. Let’s let’s get married. What do you think’s going to happen?

31:53 She is going to do the exact same thing because that’s what happens. You recre recreate it. And then you’ll ignore all the red flags that she missed her dad’s funeral. She never let her. She never spoke to her dad.

32:03 They train the children to do the same thing. So they create a cycle of parental alienation that the men sign up for when they don’t realize their mom has done the same to them. So we have to break it.

32:13 Brian Rose: That’s heavy.

32:14 Sadia Khan: It’s so heavy, isn’t it?

32:15 Brian Rose: So heavy. And you’ve talked before about women that you’re dating not the woman, but you’re dating her childhood trauma.

32:21 Sadia Khan: Absolutely.

32:22 Brian Rose: And I mean, I think about some of the my relationships in the past and like you hit that nail on the head. You’re never dating her.

32:29 And I was like, “No, I’m going to shower her with love and understanding and I’m going to fix her and we’re going to go on this beautiful thing together.” And it never works. Never.

32:39 Sadia Khan: And how many men are lost in that delusion or even seek out the broken women to fix the fixing and they enjoy it because they it gives them purpose and main reason why they like it. The men that do this, they had a single mother that played victim.

32:53 They come from a home even if she’s not single but a woman that played victim in their home. She always had to protect her. Felt like a savior. Felt like a hero because she would always rely on him protecting. And then what he would do is be like, “Who do I find to fix because that’s how love should look.

33:05 It should look like this is how women love you. That’s how mothers love you. It’s not how women love you. That’s how women abuse you.” But he would say, “Okay, who do I need to fix?

33:13 Oh, you’ve got an abusive dad. Oh, you’ve got an alcoholic parent. Oh, you grew up with child like child abuse. Okay, perfect. I’m going to show you how amazing I am and you’re going to fall madly in love with me.”

33:21 It never works that way. And the reason it never works that way, and it’s one of the reasons why I’m Muslim rather than a Christian, is this concept of unconditional love leads to unconditional disrespect. But people don’t realize that. They think unconditional love makes you makes you grow, flourish, you self-actualize. Never.

33:39 That’s not how what happens. When you give animals, dogs, children, women, men unconditional love, they’ll give you unconditional disrespect. And what I mean by that is we only respect and become a respectful version of ourselves when there’s rules and regulations around our behavior. And if there’s if we don’t behave that Way, we’re out the door. If you go to a work environment and you can do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, come wear it, are you really going to excel?

34:04 You’re going to be in your worst behavior. I used to be a teacher for many, many years in London and I went into teaching thinking, I’m going to be the nicest, kindest teacher in the world. I’m going to be nothing like these horrible, mean teachers. Because I was super young as well. So I was like, “Oh, I’m going to be that loving teacher.”

34:17 They turn on you immediately because they want regulations. Human beings, partners are exactly the same. Unconditional love is the quickest highway to unconditional disrespect. What unconditional love suggests to the person is I you can treat me however you want. You can act as brazen as you want.

34:34 You can disrespect me as much and I’ll still be here. Right? How can we respect somebody without a skeleton, without something actually holding them up together? Because we’re like, “Okay, then I’m just going to go sleep around and I’ll come back to you in 5 years or I’m going to go use your money and I’ll come back to you in a couple of years. I don’t have a fear you’re going anywhere.

34:49 There’s no deal breakers in you.” But the person that says, “I love you. You’ll have a great life with me, but I’m not going to tolerate this behavior. There are conditions to my love because my love is good for you.” And you have to earn it a little bit.

35:00 The moment they feel that, it brings out a better side in them. So, I would say even in parenting everything, look, I have only have a nephew. I don’t have a parent. I love my nephew absolutely to death. This is the closest to unconditional love I’ve got.

35:12 But I would hope that I wouldn’t be that parent that’s like, “Oh, you shut up at school. Don’t worry. I still love you.” I’d be like, “What? What’s going on here?”

35:19 Like, there are risk factors. And the this unconditional love I just think is so damaging to children, women, men, everybody. It’s damaging. And that’s a Christian concept. Turn the other cheek.

35:29 That’s why I would never be Christian. Never. And I know that sounds really bad because sometimes I’ll get people saying, “You should be Christian. It’s unconditional love.” I want rules and regulations.

35:37 My favorite thing about being a Muslim woman is haram in halal. I love knowing that that’s haram. No bacon, no problem. You know, I know there’s alcohol, you’re not allowed to touch it. There’s no like, oh, you can sip it on.

35:49 No, no, you’re not allowed to touch it. There’s zero some game with that. No, because I’m such a regulated person. I need that. If you give me a gray area, I will just ruin myself.

35:58 If you It’s the same with my food. I need to know I need to be 62 kg. If I get to, oh, you can be between 62 and 72. I’m going 72. I’m going all the way to the end because I don’t like great.

36:09 It doesn’t I don’t bring out the best in me. So that’s why I like conditions because through conditions I gain self-respect and I know how to regulate my behavior and that’s why socialism doesn’t work and capitalism works because humans ultimately need accountability.

36:21 Brian Rose: As a parent though, can I ask is it better to be totally unconditional or to have rules and what would you say? You know I was having a flashback to a conversation I had with a doctor many years ago in London Real Studios and he said to me he’s fairly accomplished guy.

36:34 He said, “I’ll never ever tell my sons that I’m disappointed in them. That’s like my rule.” And I was thinking, “But what if they really screw up a piece of shit?” I know. Yeah.

36:43 I’m like, “What if they screw up? Like, I think they need to know that.” And I was surprised by that. And maybe that was an Americanism. Yeah.

36:49 Sadia Khan: It’s an Americanism thing cuz look, one of the things my husband always comments on, he’s like, “How come you’re still scared of your dad? Like, how come you’re still worried about your like getting home by 10 p.m. Or 11 p.m. Because dad’s going to get upset?” Or, “How come you’re scared of him?

37:01 You’re a grown woman. Why are you scared of your man, your dad? And I said, because I always know that at some point he could lose attachment to me if I take it too far. I’ve never taken it too far, but he’s not the type of dad that’s like, you’re an alcoholic, you’re a drunk, you’re sleeping around and getting pregnant by lots of men. Doesn’t matter.

37:16 You still got a safe place here. He’s like, no, no, no. That doesn’t work in my in Mr. Khan’s world. And growing up with that meant I didn’t go anywhere near it.

37:24 I didn’t go I look I live in a different country to him. I could easily drink. I could easily smoke. Is but I just I know that love I only get one shot with dad with moms yes my mom I honestly believe there’s anything I can do she would help me but if I was I did a video where I said father children should be more scared of their fathers than they should be of the police and teachers and what I mean by that is if I commit a crime my worry is not the police officer I could care less about him my worry is when they tell my dad because I’m I respect my father more than I respect any police officer like who’s who’s that or like even the teachers I couldn’t care less what the teachers thought I’d be if they tell my dad, “My dad’s going to kill me.”

38:00 That regulated kind of behavior meant I didn’t step on police toes. They’re the last of my priorities where if I felt like I could do whatever I want whenever I want and my mom and dad are still going to love me or my husband’s still going to love me regardless, I’m going to do whatever I want. And I don’t want to be a person that does whatever they want. I want a person that knows that the people I love and respect have boundaries because it brings out the better side of me and that translates into relationships as well.

38:24 Brian Rose: Most into relationship. My sons are watching. I hope they better understand that if they do any of this messing up, they better worry about what I’m going to say. There’s something about American men that if you even criticize them this much as if their father’s and I don’t know if this is all men. Do you think men in general have if they get any kind of criticism or hate from their father, they take it super sensitively from their father?

38:42 Sadia Khan: Yeah. I mean, they start to Yeah. What is it about like cuz I every time I’ll have a client that says, “I never I cut my dad off when I was 14.” I’ll say, “What happened?” He’s like, “Well, I was mopping the floor left to right.” and he said, “No, you have to do right to left.”

38:55 And he’s just so controlling. I’m like, “Is that is that a reason to cut?” But then I realized it’s a the brainwashing with mother cultural is a cultural thing where any kind of criticism is just like not accepted at all. Is that a common thing amongst them?

39:06 Brian Rose: It’s interesting because I’ve interviewed some older men on my show and one of them one of them is super famous.

39:11 He’s in his 80s and he’s a high performance coach with the castle in Scotland and you know we dress very similar and he used to say that like his dad once in his whole life said, “I love you, son. Yeah. And that basically his whole life was spent trying to be good enough for his dad. Okay. These are the old school relationships that maybe happened in the 40s and like you know and he hit him.

39:34 Okay. And I think you made some comments about that. We should get into that too. And so and so look on one hand you say that and say okay does it have to be that way? But you can also see it does create young men with boundaries and aspirations.

39:47 Yeah. Now I can’t imagine not telling my boys that I love them cuz I do love them, you know, but at the same time I want to raise men and strong men and certain behavior is not okay with me. But like I can kind of see how that old school way of raising kids, which probably happened for the last few hundred years of super stern

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41:03 That’s it.

41:03 Brian Rose: No one’s going to tell me what how to raise my kids, whereas these days, everyone’s going to tell you. The schools are going to tell you, the governments. I can see how that has benefits.

41:11 Sadia Khan: Yeah, it has huge benefits because remember teachers even used to hit kids back then.

41:15 Brian Rose: I know. They used to hit. So it wasn’t just like your evil dad. It would be everybody, you know, it was a culture. I don’t actually agree with hitting kids only because I prefer parenting where your consequences are enough where they don’t need hitting.

41:28 And I also think the baby I don’t know. For me, I find it hard the idea of Did you make a video recently about hitting your kids?

41:34 Sadia Khan: I don’t think I have yet. Should I?

41:35 Brian Rose: Yeah, maybe you should.

41:36 Sadia Khan: Maybe I should. I personally don’t think you need to. But I’m not the type because I got hit as a child to think hitting means abuse. Yeah. At the same time, I don’t think a hit means abuse.

41:45 I just don’t think you should. I don’t think you need to. But it doesn’t constitute as abuse because I sometimes that’s the only discipline they knew back then. And I just think that what’s happened is men were always designed evolutionary wise to just get the food for the kids. That’s it.

42:00 Food and shelter. They weren’t actually kissing, huh, nurturing or anything. This is a new phenomenon. So some men don’t we they’re not used to it. They’re not actually programmed for this.

42:09 This wasn’t their tools for survival. So to what’s happened with a lot of men in this generation is they expect their fathers to just be a male version of a mother. They just expect to be raised by lesbians. Two women basically. They want their father to be just as affectionate as their mom was.

42:23 Just as unconditional as their mom was, just as everything their mom was, they want the father. They don’t realize that the structure that the father brings is through his kind of slightly more unconditional like sorry more conditional standards, high standards, more discipline. That’s how you get the best out of children. But they just want two moms nowadays and that’s why I think it’s dangerous for men to have this mentality that fathers should act like mothers.

42:44 Brian Rose: Yeah, I agree with what you’re saying with most of that. One of my mentors says spare the rod, spoil the child. He’s a big fan of that. I agree with you. I don’t think you need to hit kids.

42:54 And also, I think it in a weird way, it shows that you have less power. It just like when you if you swear whenever you see someone swearing when they’re yelling they use it because they don’t have enough power with their normal words. So it’s actually a tell that they don’t have the power. They don’t have the power because you’re not respecting them. So I I agree.

43:12 I think you don’t need to do that if you’re if you’re doing everything else right. But that means you got to have your own game set up so they respect you and consequences to action and consequences and then you know they they’re maybe they’re looking at you thinking I don’t respect dad cuz look at him. He’s a slob. He’s a mess and he doesn’t even respect his own discipline. Why should I respect his?

43:31 And does sometimes as a father does it get undermined by mothers or like the other way around?

43:35 Sadia Khan: Can mother fathers undermine mothers? Because that’s I think that’s the key having wives who understand that the version of love fathers give is different to theirs. It doesn’t all have to be exactly the same as long as a child still gets the boundaries he needs. But a lot of women can sometimes undermine the father’s version of love by saying it’s toxic or saying it’s abusive when really it’s just masculine.

43:55 Brian Rose: I think it’s hard these days for because the whole wave of probably a lot of the Americanbased woke culture is permeating everyone. And so I think now the mothers are a bit quicker to say, “Oh, that way of father parenting isn’t right and we need to unconditionally love. We need to do all that.” Whereas I try to step back and when the mother isn’t saying what I think is necessary, I try to think, okay, that’s feminine energy. They need some of that and then this is my masculine energy and I’m going to give them a dose of that.

44:23 Now, of course, since I’m in my own reality, I can’t see my flaws, but I would say that sometimes your kids are great. Sometimes my way, mom is not agree with my way, and my way is the cold reality of life. Now, I have a stepdaughter. She’s amazing. She’s 20 years old.

44:38 But I’ve been telling her for the for 10 years. When you’re 18, I’m throwing you out of the goddamn house. That’s it. I don’t care. You’re not coming back.

44:46 So, you better get your together. I’ve also told her even recently, nobody cares. Mhm. You’ve been taught all your life that someone out there that cares or is going to take care of you. I said nobody cares about you and unless you get your together, you’re not going to be able to function in this world.

45:00 Now, that’s my harsh way of maybe trying to prepare her, but I would say not mom isn’t always a fan of the way I do that, but I know it’s right. They need they

45:08 Sadia Khan: Yeah, it’s 100%. My mom’s threat to us was like, I’ll tell your dad or wait till your dad finds out. And if you don’t have that as a child because I remember always thinking when my dad would go home back to Pakistan for like a month or something like that just to see family. I yes we can finally laugh and be happy and get away with murder because moms are softer.

45:27 Soon as dad would come back the discipline would come back. And I just remember thinking if I was just raising mom I would be a completely different woman. You need that somewhat fear factor because it leads to you understand where you stop. You need fear of teachers. You need fear of police officers.

45:42 You need fear of the government. You need some fear otherwise it turns into anarchy. And the same thing happens in the home. This kind of like fear is the wrong emotion. No, children need some fear otherwise they’ll do silly things.

45:52 They’re babies. They’re supposed to be learning.

45:54 Brian Rose: Yeah. All right. Well, we covered quite a few topics there.

45:57 Back to nice guy. Yes. Fake alpha. Alpha. So, if you’re the nice guy and you’re listening to us thinking, “Yeah, that’s me.

46:04 I got to I hate that. I hate that.” Now, do they have to fake it until they make it?

46:08 Sadia Khan: No. They have to adjust their mindset until they believe what they’re actually living, the identity they’ve created.

46:13 And what I mean by that is how they fake it till they make it is they might grow a beard. They might get some muscles in the gym and they might grab a mic and tell people that they’re really alpha. Okay, fine. But the real testament of whether you’re alpha or not is the women you select and the behavior you tolerate. Nothing else.

46:29 So if you are going to the gym to and you got a beard and you’re telling people how strong you are on the podcast, but you select poorly and you accept poor treatment, you’re not truly an alpha man. That’s really when it comes into play because that’s when men are the most vulnerable with the woman that they love. Now, if they select badly and they tolerate misbehavior, they can never be an alpha man. If you tolerate misbehavior from your woman, and I don’t mean like she can’t do anything wrong, but I’m talking extreme behaviors.

46:56 This is when when they have a woman who’s like let’s say for example she’s super promiscuous. She’s you know advertising herself online all the time. She’s talking to other men. She’s entertaining other women. The reason why that diminishes your alpha is you got to remember evolutionary wise alpha simply means the man that women would want to get pregnant by.

47:12 That’s the guy they would choose. And he would then be able to provide and protect his kin only. The biggest cuck would be the guy that would be looking after other people’s kids. So the woman get pregnant by somebody else and he think it’s his and he’s looking after it. That’s the man that no woman actually wants and no woman actually respects but she uses.

47:30 Now to be an alpha, you can’t risk looking after that. You can’t risk get her getting pregnant by another man. So you have to shift and make sure that you’re not truly attracted to women who would cheat on you. You’re not attracted to women who would abuse you. You’re not attracted to women who have huge meltdowns and create a lot of chaos in your life.

47:47 You’re not attracted to women who would raise children to hate their father. You’re not attracted to that kind of woman. But if you’re still attracted to that type of woman, you’re not truly alpha. You’re still beta. Interesting.

47:57 Brian Rose: You know, and we’ve all met the guy that on the outside looks like an alpha, right? He’s seems like he’s got his shizz together. He seems pretty cool. He’s got some muscles, but then sometimes you see him, you know, hanging out with his misses and you’re like, “What the hell? She just told him what to do.”

48:12 And like she just did that and you’re like, “Oh my god, I was wrong.” I know. So that’s your definition of alpha. That’s what it is. You’re right.

48:18 Sadia Khan: Yeah. That’s my definition of alpha because on every other playing field men can mess up. Look, there’s times and I’m sure you’ve been there. Successful men, sometimes you’re worth nothing. Sometimes you lose everything.

48:28 Whether it’s like you put invested in businesses, we’ve all been on our toes at one point. And other times, let’s say for example, you gain weight, lose weight. These these things are natural. But what doesn’t need to change is your boundaries in your in what you accept when it comes to women. And so you can tell me on paper, you’ve got X, Y, Z.

48:45 I’ll only believe your alpha based on your woman. And what I mean by that is, does she is she Really respectful? Is she valuable? Is she does she adore you? Is she loyal to you?

48:55 And I know what some men will do be like, “Oh yeah, she doesn’t work. She’s 19 years old. I’m 45 and I’m such an alpha.” But I’m just like, but then you haven’t got a woman that you can’t share values. You’re not actually you’re obviously transactional, both of you.

49:07 You are just attracted to her youth and beauty. She’s only using you for your financial. You’re not truly valuable because if you were truly valuable, you’d start to think, “Okay, but then I’m going to die a lot earlier than her. She’s obviously going to still have kids with other people.” your brain goes elsewhere. So, alpha men, it doesn’t mean you can’t do that.

49:24 It just means that you pick super super wisely, longlasting, loyal forever. She’s not going to go through hit 28 and then be like, I want to hit the clubs again. She’s probably going to be stable, loyal, everything. All of those things. So, until I see your woman, I won’t believe your alpha.

49:38 Not for a second.

49:39 Brian Rose: You once said something and I listen to a lot of your stuff.

49:41 Sadia Khan: Do you really? Cuz sometimes you message me and you say, “I really like your stuff.” I’m like, “Maybe you’re just being nice to me.”

49:46 Brian Rose: No, I do. Just like crazy wisdom and it comes up and I’m just like I got to listen to it like you’re almost always right. I think you’re always right.

49:54 Sadia Khan: I’m actually always right. Can I just say that?

49:56 I want to say that on screen. I’m always right. And if you don’t agree with me, it’s because you haven’t lived long enough yet. Give it time. Give it space.

50:02 You’ll understand what I’m saying is true. Maybe you just haven’t experienced it yet.

50:06 Brian Rose: And you believe you’re always right. Always because you’re somehow channeling the truth.

50:10 Sadia Khan: Only because look, if my day-to-day job was just sitting on influencing, I would I would question my own judgment.

50:16 I spend all day every day speaking to people in different stages of relationships. People who just got engaged, people who just got in divorce, people who’ve been together 40 years, because I see the transitions of all these different relationships all over the world all day, every day. I’m saying this not because I’m making it up. I’m saying it because I’m on the ground. It’s a bit like a doctor who’s dealed with so many different patients over the years.

50:35 They’re not making this up. They’ve got no reason to make this up and they think, “Oh, she’s just trying to go viral. She’s just trying to do this.” You saw me. You said to me, “Oh, you never had an assistant before.

50:43 You’ve never had a team before.” I have never had a team. I’ve never sat with people and right what goes viral. It’s just been from my own observations. So that’s why I just think like if I’ve said something and it triggers you, give it time you’ll see that I’m telling the truth.

50:54 Brian Rose: Yeah, I think you’re right. And if you do have an emotional reaction to something Saudia says, it’s probably because deep down you know it’s right.

51:00 Sadia Khan: But I have to agree. Sometimes when I watch my own thing, I’m like, why are you so mean, Sadia? Say it nicely.

51:04 Why such a Cuz sometimes I’m even watching it like why did you have to be rude about it? Why couldn’t you just say it nicely? So my tone is really annoying even for me.

51:12 Brian Rose: All the most famous guests on London Real give it to people straight.

51:15 Sadia Khan: That’s how they only language I speak.

51:17 It’s almost like a social disawareness. Like I don’t know why I’m so blunt,

51:21 Brian Rose: but it’s a gift. It’s a gift. And nowadays, well, we’ll talk about this later. There’s a bunch of copycat Sadas out there, but you were like the original many years ago where you just came on.

51:30 Yeah. Original And you’re just telling people how it was. We didn’t see women doing that with the tone you had and then obviously the knowledge. Now I see a lot more, you know, kind of mini me coming up. And again, you know, look, it’s nice to hear women talk about this stuff, but I do want to just call you out as the original.

51:48 Sadia Khan: Thank you. I agree with that. I would say I am the original. Not. And the reason I say that is I’ve never watched somebody else’s content and thought, “Oo, let me write down and make notes on this.”

51:57 Never. I always watch other people’s content be like, “No, that’s not true. That’s not true. That’s not true. That’s not true.

52:01 That’s not true.” So when I see people copying mine verbatim, I’m like, “Okay, it’s nice.” Like, you know, at least you’re learning something. But you have to be on the ground working with people to actually know this. So you’ve obviously just copied it from people here then and everywhere which I don’t actually think will lead to actual authentic long run you being able to do a whole podcast or you’ll be able to help people properly.

52:20 So it doesn’t actually matter. As long as the message is good and as long as people resonate with it and it helps people that’s all that matters. But one of my reasons for going online is because I hated the narrative women were teaching other women. I hated it and I hated the lack of accountability. I hated the kind of idea of sisterhood means we support and enable each other to make terrible terrible decisions and we kind of hate men and we raise our children to hate men and but it’s not constructive to children and my northern star has always been what’s good for children.

52:49 It’s not constructive to anything anything because it breaks down the family relationship. It breaks down the male female dynamic and it just turns everybody into a victim. Yeah. I mean it doesn’t it doesn’t help anyone. And I think the reason why I am never siding with men or women and they’re like whose team is she on is because I’m actually on the side of the children who benefits from men being more masculine, women being more feminine and being nice to each other and spotting the red flags is the children will benefit from that.

53:12 So that I’m always on the side of children, not men or not women.

53:16 Brian Rose: I remember one video where you said high value men, they choose women very very carefully and then spoil the hell out of them. That’s

53:23 Sadia Khan: Yeah, I said that it’s a bit like a Harvard application. It’s like they really put you through it like rounds and rounds and rounds of like trying to get in there. But once you’re there, your life is set.

53:34 You just say you went to Harvard and for the rest of your life, you can live a great life. Yeah. You can literally walk into a room, people say they went to Harvard, that they’re a Harvard graduate. High value men do the same thing with women if they’re truly high value. It’s lots of rounds.

53:46 It’s lots of tests. It’s not test in an evil way, but just checking is she check watching and how does she how is she with other men? What was her previous relationship looks like? I just check to see if her reputation is good. How does she conduct herself on social media?

53:58 Is she how is her family values? What she like with her father? Does she love her father? Does she hate him? What is her relationship like at home?

54:05 They check do all of these reg. And then once they realize, okay, no, this sounds good. It’s an easy life for her. Yeah. They don’t be frugal.

54:13 They don’t be difficult and they she’s earned her stripes and she’s good with kids. She’s good with him. She treats him well. She cooks. She cleans.

54:19 She, you know, her home life as well. So then it’s an easy life for her. But what men have done is the other way around. They start with all the presents or they start with all the luxuries or they start that way hoping she’ll become all of those traits when really you’ve rewarded her bad behavior. Why would she change?

54:36 Brian Rose: I think you said something about girls like that where they invite all their friends around because they don’t actually want to spend time with a guy. And so if you’re if you’re kind of hot girl you’re showering presents with brings all of her friends around, it’s because she really doesn’t want to be with you.

54:47 Sadia Khan: She doesn’t want to be with you. And this is what guys will say like she’s offering me three sips and she says she’s going to bring all her friends to holiday with us.

54:53 I’m like yeah she doesn’t want to touch you. That’s really what it is. She wants to distract you with all her hot friends. You pay for the table and then they’ll have a stomach ache and they’ll leave. Don’t worry.

55:02 This is what happens because when women truly are attracted to a man, not I’m not saying you’re not attracted to a man. They want to keep his eyes off every other woman if they could. Yeah, that’s the key. When they’re not attracted to you, they almost want you to look elsewhere so you leave them alone. So, it’s really like our attraction brings out our possessiveness.

55:21 And if we don’t have any of that, it I mean, I’m not talking some women are naturally not possessive, but it would be weird to push really hot girls into your man’s face unless you you’re lacking attraction.

55:33 Brian Rose: What is the 3M method?

55:34 Sadia Khan: Oh, this is a program that I’m launching actually very soon. It’s on in the first of March, but you can join at any point. And here, what I do is I teach men just three factors on how to have really healthy relationships.

55:46 First one is mastering yourself. The key to mastering yourself, you can never have a healthy relationship without a healthy relationship with yourself. And I know that sounds very cliche, but I’ve been there. I’ve had a terrible relationship with myself and it really, really impacted my relationship. You have to have self-esteem And self-confidence.

56:00 Without self-esteem and self-confidence, there is no point dating. You know that you’re just going to attract the wrong person, lead to wrong habits, it’s just not great. So self-esteem and self-confidence. And we look at the child and in particular the relationship with the father and how that affected them and how to undo some of that. Then you have to master women.

56:16 Women speak a completely different language and men believe them. They believe what women are saying rather than what women are doing. So a woman will say to you, “I want a nice guy. I just want a guy that gives me this.” They believe her rather than watching her actions.

56:29 So she says she wants a nice guy and she’s ready for a commitment yet she dated this drug dealer who was in and out of jail for 5 years and was doing that. Are you sure that’s her type or is she just saying that? No, no, no. She says that’s her type. That’s what she likes.

56:39 You’re naive. Or they’ll say, you know, they so many of my friends have, you know, caught her lying here, there, and everywhere. But I believe her. I know that with me, she truly loves me. It’s just like they believe what they want to believe so deeply with women because they just want to feel loved so deeply that they’ll accept anything.

56:55 But it’s really mastering and understanding the psychology of women. What they say they want and what they unconsciously reward are completely different. Opposites. They want nice. They’re stable, ready for commitment.

57:06 But what they reward is somebody who’s able to stand up to them, somebody who’s able to create emotional tension, somebody who is a leader, somebody who creates sexual chemistry. They want something totally different to what they say and it’s understanding that deeply and the final thing is mastering relationships where you understand communication conflict resolution how do relationships work in the long run and look here’s my goal in general in life I just say to people it’s not that you have to be with one person and end up with them for the rest of your life that doesn’t necessarily mean success because sometimes you resent the person but at least the years that you’re together so valuable you learn something you may have had beautiful kids you co-parent really well now if you come out of relationship and you had good memories good years and beautiful kids.

57:45 It’s not a failure to me. I don’t consider that a failure in this day and age, even if it’s just 10 years. But you come out of it like with no scars. It wasn’t that bad. No problem.

57:54 But it’s relationships. You’re coming out of it with lowered self-esteem, broken homes, really depression, anxiety. Those are the failures. And that’s where I come in with relationship skills.

58:03 Brian Rose: H wow, those sound all very important.

58:05 Brian Rose: At first, I just thought if you understood women, you’d understand relationships, but they’re very different things.

58:10 Sadia Khan: They’re different things because women don’t always know relationship skills, right?

58:14 Brian Rose: M I guess a lot of people don’t know relationship skills, myself included for many, many years. So, it’s everybody, you know, it’s a skill that we have to learn. You mentioned women talking to their exes and posting pictures of their booties online.

58:26 Are those are those like

58:27 Sadia Khan: no? Look, here’s the thing. It depends whether she’s got double standards with it or not. And that’s the key. I’m actually all for because I’m a very traditional Muslim woman.

58:37 I don’t expect women to act like me ever. This is unrealistic. So, I completely understand that a young beautiful girl who grew up in Brazil, posting a bikini picture is no different to posting an outfit like this. It’s like that’s their culture. It’s not the issue.

58:50 The issue is the double standards that comes with it. So, if she posts a lots of bikini pictures and that’s her culture, that’s her background, that’s what she wants to do, that no problem. But then she goes insane if you like a bikini picture or goes insane if you follow girls that then there’s a double standard there because she’s prop posting the pictures that incite the same level of attention that you’re giving to the girls that you’re following. It’s a double standards.

59:13 That’s a red flag. Similarly, if she talks to her ex and she’s like, “We’ve got this close relationship. There’s nothing between us. We trust each other. But if you dream of talking to a girl that you once dated, it’s game over for us.”

59:22 It’s not so much the behavior, it’s the double standard that is going to be the problem. I understand everyone’s got different boundaries in their relationships. I’ve got a much stricter one with me and my partner than most people would have. But I do think that the key is the double standard and that’s what we need to work out. But men and women, there’s some men out there that’ll say, “You can’t wear this.

59:39 You can’t do that. You can’t dress like this.” But they’re following a bunch of girls that are all naked or they’re going to the strip club every single weekend and they’re saying, “I like traditional women, but you’re paying money to be around non-traditional women.” That’s a double standard. No woman’s going to The key is people don’t respect those with double standards because their actions and words are not aligned and therefore they don’t live in a congruent way that we can respect.

59:58 So you have to both of you can’t have double standards.

1:00:01 Brian Rose: I still think talking with the ex is a red flag.

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1:00:56 Brian Rose: I do I what do you think I personally for me all my social skills I’m sure you have as well where if for me personally I wouldn’t see the need to talk to exes when I’ve got such a great circle of friends such a great circle of families I’ve got so many interesting loving people I’ve got in my life I don’t cling on to things that have expired so I don’t actually see the need for it but what do you think

1:01:21 Sadia Khan: it’s not a good sign no it’s the posting online as well I think you know okay maybe if she’s from Brazil and that’s normal.

1:01:29 But I mean they’re both not red flags but they’re yellow flags.

1:01:32 Brian Rose: Yeah. Yeah. Her respon but I would say like if you say to her, look, I know how guys are. I personally don’t want my girl looking like dressing like that online.

1:01:41 And she’s like, oh babe, I had no idea that you felt that way. Okay, let me see what I can do. Compromise. That response is not a red flag. That’s actually

1:01:47 Sadia Khan: Yeah, that’s actually a mature response.

1:01:48 But if she’s like, oh, you can’t tell me what to do. I’m my own woman. That signals a lack of respect for masculinity and the needs of masculine men and therefore she’s going to be more aligned with soft men and soft men she’ll end up losing attraction and respect to odds anyway. So, one thing I always say to women is when you are this woman who’s super provocative. Let’s say you’ve got an only fans or let’s say that you post a lot of thirst traps online, you become only appealing to either really soft men or porn addict men.

1:02:16 You’re going to later regret it because the softs that let you do everything, you’re going to be craving them the masculinity. The porn addicts that quite like that will have you doing more and more insiduous behavior that you’ll start to think like where’s the line? So, your pool of men becomes men that you deeply don’t respect later on. And that’s why I tell women to avoid it because you attract sleazier men.

1:02:36 Brian Rose: Is that a real challenge for women?

1:02:38 Because if you post the picture with little skin, you get all sorts of attention. And if you’re having a lousy day or you just had an argument with your boyfriend or whatever, getting attention from random people online feels good. It’s a drug.

1:02:50 Sadia Khan: Yeah, it’s a drug. Like anything, it’s a drug.

1:02:52 And you you get this reminder that I don’t need to tolerate this man. I don’t need to tolerate this man. I don’t need to tolerate this man. Now, sometimes you’re with a bad man. And it’s a good to thing to remind yourself of that.

1:03:03 But what I would say is the reason why I encourage everybody to be fully faithful in relationships, men and women. And I encourage them to be faithful is and committed is because you get to the outcome sooner. And what I mean by this is if I’m dating you and I’m fully committed to you. I’m fully loyal to you. And then I realize you’re still disrespectful.

1:03:20 You’re not being kind to me. You’re not giving me attention. I know I did my best. Bye. But if I’m talking to other guys, I’m posting online, I’m like, “Well, I also did this and maybe that’s why he did that.”

1:03:30 And guys will be like, “Well, I always slept with other girls. Maybe that’s why she slept with her ex.” They muddy the water so much that they end up accepting toxicity in the relationship. So, I actually recommend giving it your all because you get to the outcome quicker and it reveals itself. The truth reveals itself faster and you Don’t waste your own time.

1:03:47 Okay? And time is precious. Okay?

1:03:49 Brian Rose: And so, you tell girls to avoid posting these things online.

1:03:52 Sadia Khan: Do it, but just know that the type of man you’ll be attracting will be a weaker man.

1:03:56 He’ll thirst after every girl

1:03:57 Brian Rose: that it’s tricky because it’s all anonymous and their profile pictures probably look great maybe if you go that far and it just feels good and you don’t have to see their bad the bad flaws. It’s like when we see haters online, we don’t realize they’re 12-year-old kids in their mom’s basement. We think they’re like Donald and their opinions matter when they don’t. I guess it’s the opposite with women because it’s being coming probably from the same 12-year-old kid in a basement.

1:04:21 Sadia Khan: Exactly. A complete loser. But the abundance of it means that the abundance of attention is better than the lack of attention from your partner. And attention is to women. It’s like a drug for us.

1:04:32 And that’s not a bad thing. That’s how we’re designed. We need a bit of attention. But the quality of attention matters more than who is coming than the amount of it. And I think social media skews that a little bit for women.

1:04:42 Brian Rose: How do women react when you call them out in your therapy sessions to be more accountable?

1:04:47 Sadia Khan: They never call me again. That’s a key thing. Yeah. Here’s my trick.

1:04:50 When I have a couple online and I know that, you know, like I can tell that the woman’s very much the problem, I’ll soften her. I’ll I’ll pretend I’m on her team. I’ll validate her emotions because I just know the moment you tell them the truth, you’ll never hear from them again and you won’t be able to help the couple. So, the better thing to do is be like, “Oh, I completely understand why you’re so devastated that he, you know, left the dishwasher on when he shouldn’t have.”

1:05:12 Oh, I completely understand. That justifies why you spoke to your ex. I get what you mean. Yeah, that justifies it. But and then you have to kind of sew with a lot of sugar because the thing is the main thing that come to me, women that come to me, the ones that really like accountability, they’re my favorite clients.

1:05:26 They love me and I love them. But the ones that come to me that where there’s a clash is she wants to talk ex only about how bad her partner is, only about how narcissistic he is, only about how wrong he is. She never wants to hear my conversation about but why do you accept this? Why have you allowed this? What is your reason?

1:05:45 Have you tried letting go? Have you tried having more boundaries? They don’t want to hear that because they want to hear you should be more sympathetic the fact that I was abused by a narcissist. When my question is always, look, when you tolerate abuse, unfortunately, you are contributing to the trauma that your children are going to see. It’s not just him.

1:06:01 It’s not just the abuser that creates this traumatized child. It’s mom taking him back again and again. Mom picking him up, taking them to shelters for the night, and then coming back to him. There’s children out there that beg their mom to leave this abusive man, and she says, “Oh, we’re going back to dad now.” So then you are contributing to the trauma just as much as he is.

1:06:19 You’re blaming it on him because his behavior is more outlandish, but you are both contributing to the to the trauma, but the child only sees your you as a victim. So they get a skewed version of reality. And that’s why I do really put a lot of emphasis on the women changing.

1:06:33 Brian Rose: Is all couples therapy doomed from the start? It seems almost just massively flawed because each person, first of all, it’s usually one pushing it more than the other, probably the women, and they all want their own agenda to be validated.

1:06:46 Sadia Khan: I here’s what I would say. Sometimes they come too late. And what I would say, here’s when it’s doomed. When the woman is avoiding the therapy. Yeah.

1:06:56 And I’ll tell you why. Because usually women want the therapy. And usually they’re the ones that are pushing for it because they just like they need to get on with their life. They either want to have kids, don’t want to have kids. They needs to get on with it.

1:07:06 But when the woman is avoiding therapy, what’s happened is she’s hiding something. She’s definitely hiding something and it’s usually an affair. So when the when you’ve tried everything, she wanted a divorce out of nowhere and you suggest therapy and she’s like not really interested in it and she’s disconnected to the therapy and she kind of is looking elsewhere and be like gh doesn’t want to be there. I promise you she’s hiding something. You just haven’t figured out what it is.

1:07:26 And I literally I say to clients, I can turn on the camera. I can tell when she’s cheating because when the women are still invested and the man is somewhat invested, he just doesn’t know what she’s talking about. The therapy works really well. Yeah, it works really, really well. Or when both people are like, “We love each other.

1:07:40 I don’t know why we keep fighting.” It works really well. They just haven’t understood each other’s language. But when one person, particularly the man, is desperate to hold on to the relationship and she’s checked out or he’s going to therapy thinking therapy is going to fix it. He hasn’t looked at the most obvious thing, which is usually she’s having an affair.

1:07:55 Brian Rose: Okay. And thereby checked out.

1:07:56 Sadia Khan: Thereby checked out. And I always can tell and I tell them in the therapy I’m like I can tell. I’m so sorry but I know you’re having an affair.

1:08:03 Brian Rose: You say that on the Zoom call always.

1:08:05 Sadia Khan: And they’re like well there was this one incident. I’m like I can tell by your tone. I can tell by your tone and their defensiveness as well. Sometimes their defensiveness as well.

1:08:14 And this is

1:08:15 Brian Rose: Do they come clean or not?

1:08:16 Sadia Khan: Or they somebody rings me back later and saying you were right. Okay. Yeah. Somebody brings me back later.

1:08:21 Somebody always brings me back. Not her maybe. Yeah. And I don’t like look I would get nothing from accusing people incorrectly. But the problem is cheating is like going to the doctors and trying to get your blood test results.

1:08:32 They can tell the symptoms you have this disease. That’s what doctors do. Cheating is exactly the same thing. Symptoms this is the only cause is cheating. You can’t convince me otherwise.

1:08:40 And so you can it’s like an overweight person coming to a PT and saying no no I eat really healthy. You’re like no your body wouldn’t look like this if you ate healthy. Same thing when they come to me with their issues. I’m like it doesn’t happen without infidelity. This is the issue.

1:08:52 So, I can tell by the symptoms that there’s definitely an affair.

1:08:55 Brian Rose: And on that same note, is there an affair because of certain symptoms? You know, and is it different for a man, different for a woman?

1:09:01 Sadia Khan: Here’s what I’m so fascinated about. When I first came into therapy, I was looking forward to helping the women that might be having an affairs because their husbands are so bad to them.

1:09:10 They’re so abusive. They’re so toxic. Only women that I see cheating are ones with nice guys. That’s it. They’re the only ones.

1:09:18 I’ve never seen a woman cheat on toxic men. They come to me with these toxic men that are really hostile and not nice and bit mean to them. I’m like, I’ll help you cheat. Please cheat. And I’m like, come to me.

1:09:30 I know great men. Please cheat. And she’s like, no, I could never do that to her. I’m like, he’s so mean to you. But the men that the women that are with men that are submissive, too tolerant, don’t have their voice, have lost their identity, who are just super, super complimentary to her all the time, just always trying to get her attention, needy, needy, needy.

1:09:49 They are the ones that cheat because they need sexual excitement to be aroused by a man. A man that’s constantly praising you, constantly giving you compliments, constantly needing your attention, constantly emotionally available, constantly feminine. She’s the one that cheats. And that’s where I was so shocked. I was like thinking it was going to be the other way around, but I realized and that’s when I started changing and I started saying, “If you’re getting cheated on, it’s your fault.”

1:10:10 Because there’s something in your masculinity that’s broken.

1:10:13 Brian Rose: And that’s a great way to look at it anyways because ultimately it is your fault, right? It takes two to tango in a relationship. And pointing the finger at one person or the other. It’s never that.

1:10:22 Sadia Khan: And then it doesn’t explain the fact why the men that do get cheated on get cheated on every relationship they’re in. Okay. Yeah. So there obviously they are the common denominator. And there’s women that do that as well.

1:10:30 It’s every relationship they’re in. And the key ingredient with people who get cheated on in every single relationship that they’re in is they have such a naivity about the opposite gender. They think the opposite gender thinks the way they think. So they think, oh, like I’ll have women that would be like, “Oh, we haven’t had sex in about two and a half years, but he never asked for it, so I didn’t know. I didn’t think it was a problem.” he’s going to do something.

1:10:49 Or the man would say, “Oh, no, no, she would never cheat on me. She would never I know she goes out all the time and she comes home late and she is an alcoholic, but she would never cheat. She just doesn’t like cheaters.” I’m like, “She doesn’t like you cheating.” But her behavior suggests otherwise.

1:11:02 So, they have this naivity where they trust their partner’s words over their partner’s actions. Even if other people have warned them, even if there’s so much evidence, even if they’ve seen things, they trust their partner’s words over reality. And that’s what causes people to get cheated on all the time. And they assume that they think the Same way they think. They think just because they would never cheat, they think their partner would never cheat.

1:11:20 Brian Rose: Right. Okay. And men women think differently anyways. Yeah. Humans think differently.

1:11:24 Sadia Khan: Yeah. Like some people would cheat like even regardless of who they’re with. And other people they could hate their partner, but they’re just not unfaithful by design.

1:11:32 Brian Rose: Okay. You’ve said things about cheating.

1:11:34 You’ve said that I think if a man cheats, there’s a possibility that a relationship can be saved, but if a woman cheats, there’s no possibility it can be saved. Another bold statement by Saudi Khan.

1:11:44 Sadia Khan: So, but I don’t see how it’s bold when we’ve lived in polygamous societies all throughout generations where men have had five wives and women have like not had many men. That’s very rare that we find that. So, the fact that that’s a bold statement when it’s so culturally true.

1:11:59 I just find it bizarre. But here’s the key difference. We don’t necessarily lose respect for a m for like a man doesn’t necessarily lose all respect for a woman if she accepts that. They might they might continue in this that and the other. But the key thing is men don’t need women to be strong.

1:12:15 They don’t need her to be possessive. They don’t need her to be protective. They don’t need those qualities in a woman because they’re supposed to be bringing that to the table. So if she forgives them for cheating, yes, there might still be some disrespect. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but they don’t lo they don’t lose what they fundamentally need from a woman.

1:12:29 Women fundamentally need men who are more alpha, who are more masculine, who are more protective, who are more possessive because that protects women. We these are all protective traits. So if I don’t have a man with those traits, I’m not safe in his company. So if he knows like this even goes as far as like let’s say for example I go to a restaurant and somebody’s like coming and trying to talk to me and whispering my ear. I’d expect my husband to say something.

1:12:51 I wouldn’t expect him to be like well you look like you’re okay. And I would accept him and say excuse me like can you just you know make some space that’s what we crave in a man. Men don’t crave that in a woman. So when you accept a woman cheating what she learns is you have none of those traits. You don’t even mind a man inseminating himself into his into your woman.

1:13:12 If that doesn’t make you turn like turn away from this woman, if that doesn’t put you off and in some minute actually makes her want want them more, she’s going to automatically think you’re not a man, she might in the moment be really grateful. She might be like, “Thank God, blah blah this and the other.” But two things happen. Firstly, she’s only with you because the person she cheated with didn’t want something serious. Second thing is in the long run, she will learn there is zero deal breakers in this relationship.

1:13:36 He will accept anything. He might make my life a bit difficult. He might be diff but really he is naive and he’ll accept any behavior and I can’t respect a man like that. Nor would you want a man like that. No, you don’t actually want men like that.

1:13:49 You don’t want weak men like that. You want men that say I actually know that’s disrespectful. I don’t want it. Now, similarly, I would argue men appreciate women who don’t accept cheating. I know that they are more likely to do it and more likely to happen.

1:14:01 But I still think men prefer women who have the ability to say that’s not acceptable. They at least need something. But when they know that it’s totally acceptable, they also need some leash on them. Do you agree or not agree?

1:14:12 Brian Rose: No, I think what you’re saying makes a lot of sense.

1:14:15 Sadia Khan: Cuz one time I did say to my husband, I was like, do you want a second wife? I actually don’t mind it in the long run. I actually might be like, you know, in 10 years time, leave me alone. Go find another one. And he was like, how could you say that to me?

1:14:25 Do you not love me? How could you even joke like that? And I was thinking, is that a dream come true? Especially for Yeah, I thought it would be a dream come true. But I think it’s like more of a case of people who respect themselves like partners who respect themselves.

1:14:38 And so they don’t want a like a doormat. They want somebody who respects themselves because they respect themselves.

1:14:44 Brian Rose: Yeah, that makes sense. And I guess that’s a good thing. But who knows, maybe you’ll convince him over time.

1:14:50 Sadia Khan: Yeah. When I’m tired and my back is broken, you’re going somewhere else. I don’t care.

1:14:55 Brian Rose: I always hear that women say, “I don’t want you to fix my problems. I just want you to listen to me.”

1:15:00 And I’m because I’m a man, I probably have a whole history of when a woman tells me a problem, I try to fix our problem. Just like when my boys tell me a problem, I try to fix a problem and then we help fix it together. And that’s why we’re boys. And there’s all these other things that I obviously women think different than men that I’m saying sometimes I don’t understand the language of women. So, first of all, is that true?

1:15:21 Should I listen and not try to fix her problems? Or is that what a beta male does? And how does this all incorporate in the relationship dynamic? Or does it have nothing to do with relationship? It’s really really difficult.

1:15:31 Sadia Khan: Here’s what I like. Some some men fall into a trap of just being the listener where they she can be on the phone for them for hours and they’ve got other things to do, whatever it is, but they don’t want to put the phone down. You don’t want to be that available to a woman to the point where you just become like her sister, her mom, everything rolled into one. It’s like, I listen, I’m here. I get it.

1:15:50 And you listen for a little bit, but at some stage, both of you need to become problem solvers. Here’s where women enter toxic relationships and stay in really toxic relationships. All men and women, women, but mainly women. Here’s a problem that they have is where they have a bunch of problems and they require a man to fix it. I would recommend for everybody, men and women, if you want your self-esteem to increase is you become a problem solver.

1:16:11 Yeah. You don’t just look, oh, I just need you to listen or I just need you to fix it for me or can you just fix? Generally, as a human being, the more problem solving skills we can create in ourselves, the better our life gets. It’s just a better skill to have. So as a man, if you do try and fix the problem and you know you get on with it and the woman is too sensitive about it, stay a problem solver.

1:16:31 And the reason being is because those women who just want an emotional tampon all day every day are draining in the long run anyway. You want a woman who’s like, “Yeah, actually let’s fix this rather than just talk about it for 10 years. Let’s actually fix this.” So when you become a problem solver, you’re less attractive to women who like to mope. So you don’t want those kind of women anyway.

1:16:48 So stay problem solving.

1:16:49 Brian Rose: Drives me crazy. Yeah. Like how much can you talk about the same problem especially when it comes to things that they can fix. Let’s say for example it’s weight or let’s say for example it’s like you know jobs or anything like that.

1:16:58 You can fix these problems. I have a zero to I can only hear the same problem once or twice. Then we both of us got to fix this. We got to we got to find a way to fix this. Are you a man in a woman’s body?

1:17:07 I think so. Remember I was born a man. What a beautiful creation. Amazing. Why are can I tell you why that might be?

1:17:14 Because I’m the four third girl in my family and I remember when I was born my mom and dad really wanted a boy. So they were like you oh crying crying crying that they had a girl. So I remember just always being like okay maybe it’s good to be a boy. Maybe it’s always been. So I always had more of a masculine kind of mentality to think that maybe boys are better.

1:17:34 I’m Pakistani. So I used to have so I think I naturally just realized that maybe like oh not naturally my parents probably induced that idea that there is a difference between men and women and you should try and have more masculine traits and I think I just adopted some masculine energy without realizing

1:17:47 Brian Rose: and it’s a huge part of your brand.

1:17:49 Sadia Khan: So it’s a huge part of my personality. It is. I love having masculine energy.

1:17:52 I know I don’t look it, but I actually and a lot of times people describe me as feminine. I actually personally think I’ve got a really masculine mindset.

1:17:58 Brian Rose: Yeah, you do. You have masculine mind mindset, but still a lot of feminine traits. Isn’t that weird?

1:18:02 And that’s what broke you out 3, four years ago when people started noticing these things because you’re coming at it with this male perspective or masculine energy, but even but as a woman. And no one had ever heard it before. Like you said, most of the women were I’m on team woman. We’re victims. He’s the bad guy.

1:18:18 And they just like again it just sisterhood. It just continued this behavior and it doesn’t help. It doesn’t solve any problems. Doesn’t solve anything. And then you were like, “Oh, wow.

1:18:26 She’s the real talk lady.” So yeah, thank God for your parents. Thank God you’re not You weren’t a boy either.

1:18:31 Sadia Khan: Yeah. Alhamdulillah.

1:18:32 Brian Rose: Alhamdulillah.

1:18:33 Sadia Khan: There we go. Well done.

1:18:35 Brian Rose: All Right. I’m getting there slowly.

1:18:38 Brian Rose: We are having less children in this world and certain countries like South Korea are like going to be extinct soon. It’s so low. And even western Europe, I think Italy and all these countries, they’re actually not having enough children to increase the population. I think you have to have 1.2 per person in order to, you know, keep the population steady. I think South Korea it’s like 6 or something.

1:19:01 So like in certain families there will be no great grandparents, you know, ever. Why is this happening? I you know, I’m part of the victim to that problem as well.

1:19:09 Sadia Khan: And I think here’s the problem is that because we know so much now and because we are so keen on being good parents, we almost don’t have that lazy afair attitude that we used to have that’s almost good. Like my parents would have five kids and they wouldn’t worry about how expensive it’s going to be or how much time you have to give each person or how much quality time and all the different love languages they need.

1:19:30 They just they’ll be friends with each other. They’ll raise each other. Like that’s what siblings are for in this day and age. They take one child and they overanalyze the costs, how it’s going to live, blah blah blah because we’re trying our best to be the best parent possible. But we actually the best way to parent is actually giving them siblings, you know, actually giving them a bunch of siblings, giving them a and kids are very low maintenance really.

1:19:51 They’re designed to be you can buy your kids a bunch of toys. They’ll still want to end up playing with the pots and pans in the fr in the cupboards.

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1:20:53 Sadia Khan: So I think it’s the overemphasis on how quality of life that we need to give them.

1:20:59 Also the refusal to give up our own freedoms as well. Nobody really wants to give up their own freedom which is understandable. I can see why people do that because it is difficult having children. I think that’s a combination. And the other thing is it’s difficult to find somebody that you can genuinely co-parent with if worst case scenario happens.

1:21:15 Ch because before people would kind of stay together forever. It wouldn’t be this case I have to do this custody battle. I’d have to risk this and then they’re going to bring all these other parents and into the home and maybe they get abused. You don’t have to worry about that. Now, you genuinely do have to realize that there’s a big chance that whoever you have children with is not the person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life.

1:21:34 And so, there’s all of these factors that’s making it quite difficult to start having children the way that we used to have them. And people have a lot of options. Like back in the day, 50und years ago, like your husband or wife was like your reality, right? It was like everything. And these days now, especially in Dubai, as you were saying earlier, you have so many options.

1:21:53 Brian Rose: And that can it actually can be a proxy for a romantic relationship. I mean, brotherhood for men and other events and in online community like when I started London Real, I felt all this love that I hadn’t felt before. And it really filled a gap in my kids, my kids as well. Whereas I think before that, Sia, I would always look for a woman to bring me that. And it wasn’t a total replacement, but enough of these things stack up and the relationship isn’t as important as it used to be.

1:22:21 Do you think that sometimes helps the relationship where you don’t become so emotionally dependent on that person or do you think it kind of makes a person disposable?

1:22:29 Sadia Khan: It can help the relationship but it also might mean that you could go long periods without one.

1:22:33 Brian Rose: Whereas in the past when I grew up in high school and stuff, you know, not or in college, not having a girlfriend meant your life wasn’t as good. Yeah. Whereas when you have all these other things going on and you’re stimulated and you feel different types of love, it’s less important.

1:22:46 Sadia Khan: And if that’s the case, you’re probably not going to have kids. And do you do you want more kids or, you know,

1:22:52 Brian Rose: I it thanks to the mother of my children. We have kids. She had to push me like put a gun to my head really because I was the guy that was, you know, I remember my dad laughed to me one time because he said, “Why don’t you get a dog?” And I said, “A dog’s a big commitment.”

1:23:07 So, like if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have my two beautiful boys and I would have missed one of the greatest rides on this planet as a human. I don’t believe you can really be a human without kids. I know that’s a terrible thing to say.

1:23:17 Sadia Khan: No, no, no. I agree.

1:23:18 I’m with Saudia, so I 100% agree. I just think that you don’t get a full human experience until you create humans. Yeah, there’s no way you could. And even as a woman, I just think like until you have pregnancies, and myself included, because I haven’t had that. I haven’t really experienced womanhood yet because you realize that your body has a function and your life has a function.

1:23:35 Is like boobs are there for a reason. They’re not just there for a reason. It’s all for a reason. It’s incredible. It’s so incredible.

1:23:43 And I remember speaking to my doctor and he’s like, you know, when you get pregnant, it reduces the risk of cancer. It does this for you. It does that for you. You’ll get hormones that recognize your baby’s cry amongst a billion different babies. It’s like we are really are designed just to have kids.

1:23:56 We got distracted. But we are designed for that as are men. And that’s why that’s why you as a woman or women are looking for these behaviors because we forget. I mean with women maybe it’s more obvious but with men like we’re here to make babies. But I do can I ask because I find it really really strange when men don’t want kids.

1:24:13 I can understand women. I still don’t agree with women that not wanting to get have kids because I do think again you don’t get your full experience. But I do think like I can get why their body changes their life is on hold. They’ve got it a lot harder. But men that avoid kids what’s the mentality behind it?

1:24:26 Brian Rose: Commitment for me. It was just like I then I I’m going to have a 20-year commitment to do something. And maybe because like when I commit to something, I follow through. And so I’ve always been really independent my whole life. And so I could go anywhere I wanted to go and do whatever I wanted to do.

1:24:41 And for me, I looked at it as just like suffocating a lot of responsibility because I wasn’t going to do it half and I wasn’t going to not be their father. Yeah.

1:24:49 Sadia Khan: And but do you know that responsibility and commitment does that do you feel like that enhances masculinity, doesn’t it? Yeah. It’s essential, isn’t it?

1:24:56 Brian Rose: It’s very important and I feel so much more love with these boys and I become a better man because of them and it’s been amazing. But I could I could see why people opt out and then they overthink it like you said that they get the calculator out and it costs a half a million dollars to have a kid and how am I going to do it and and you know it was interesting I was listening to Tucker Carlson talk recently and you know he was people get alarmed oh parents shouldn’t have kids when they’re 20some years old and Tucker said something interesting. And he said, “No, that’s exactly when you should have a kid because you’re so messed up.

1:25:27 You’re so self-centered. You’re usually probably abusing yourself with, you know, substances and all these other ways. And a kid will make you shape up more than anything else. And there’s maybe a reason that was designed because it makes you into this mature adult much faster than people are maturing these days.”

1:25:43 Sadia Khan: Well, they do find that, you know, men that have problems with the law or problems with education, children shape.

1:25:49 Brian Rose: Isn’t that crazy?

1:25:50 Sadia Khan: So many times. It’s so amazing for them. So, it’s incredible. And you how old are your boys again?

1:25:56 Brian Rose: Seven and eight.

1:25:57 Sadia Khan: And do you know like does the connection with the mother affect connections with children or is it independent for men?

1:26:02 Brian Rose: What does that mean?

1:26:03 Sadia Khan: Like as in if you had a terrible co-parent, do you think that would affect your like relationship with the kids? Like would it affect your attachment to them or not so much?

1:26:11 Is it just an independent feeling?

1:26:13 Brian Rose: I mean, so if my relationship was bad with mom, would it affect the way if you hated each other for example? No, it would just make it harder. It just makes everything just make it difficult and It would make the narrative trickier to control because if I was, you know, being badmouthed in the bag time, it would mean I would have to try to put those fires out. And that doesn’t happen.

1:26:33 And my parents when they divorced were very good about that, too. And it really helped a lot. So, like my mom, I mean, she 99% of the time didn’t say anything bad about my dad. You know, now when she’s older, sometimes she starts telling me stories and I’m just like, save it, mom. I don’t care.

1:26:47 Your dad cheated on me. I’m like, “Yeah, well, you probably have something to do with that.” So, I’m just

1:26:51 Sadia Khan: This is the key cuz here’s the thing. I know I keep going on back about fathers and stuff, but I’ll meet men who will say, “I hate my dad. He cheated on my mom, but they have wives that cheat on them.”

1:26:59 And I said, “But you’ve forgiven your wife 100 times for cheating on you, but you don’t forgive your dad.” And it’s like, “Oh.” Then they’re like, “Yeah, I didn’t think it.” It’s just like you, as you age, you learn that every bad behavior that your mother or father did, you’re capable of it, too. Yeah, we’re all capable of it.

1:27:12 We think cuz I think, “Oh, how can you hit a kid?” But really sometimes I don’t know what it’s like when they really drain you and there’s so many of them all the time and it’s the quickest way to shut them up. So I don’t know what it’s like. So I think really in time you realize every behavior they did your humans are capable of it ourselves. So important for people to realize all the things that you judge your parents for.

1:27:31 You will actually do all of those things yourself. Try a 40-year marriage where maybe one person doesn’t want to touch you ever again and then you outsource it and then she makes a life of living hell. It’s like you’re trapped in a lot of ways. So I think it’s good to understand your parents as much as you can. They’re not perfect, but without understanding them, we just recreate the relationship and our own relationships.

1:27:48 Brian Rose: So, I made a movie in 2018 about an Iawaska ceremony that I had. And what came up in the ceremony was what always used to come up with me was my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. And it really shocked me, I think, cuz I was like so trusting to the nuclear family and then it just got separated and I thought, well, if I can’t trust this, I can’t trust anybody and I can’t open myself up to anybody because I’m just going to get hurt. So, I live with this for a long time and it was a narrative always in my head.

1:28:13 Always in my head. And I had this ceremony and I went back to the seven-year-old and I could see this little kid that built up all these boundaries. And we got we’re trying to make this movie and my director said, “Brian, this isn’t a movie yet. It’s just some, you know, guy having a midlife crisis. Nobody cares, right?”

1:28:26 And he’s like, “You got to go home and talk to your parents.” And I was like, “Do I?” He’s like, “Yeah, we got to get on a plane and fly to San Diego and talk to your parents.” So, we did. And I went and I put my dad on camera and my mom on camera and I asked him about the divorce.

1:28:39 Okay. And it was heavy. I don’t think my dad’s forgiven me cuz he’s in the movie. And so unpaid extra as I call him. And so but in the process of doing this, I went really deep and I actually sat down with Dr.

1:28:50 Joe Despensza two days before I left and he said, “Brian,” he said, “Maybe you need to tell yourself a new story.” He said, “Maybe you’re going to realize that everything you told yourself about what you thought happened wasn’t what happened.” Mhm. And I sat down with my mom and she told me how after the divorce she became this incredible independent woman and she started traveling the world and she started creating her own businesses and like in a weird way that was the best thing that ever happened to her.

1:29:14 And then when I talked to my dad I realized, okay, here are these two 20some year olds trying to deal with three kids each growing apart. They were high school sweethearts for God’s sakes. And you realize it was the best thing for him as well. Wow. And here I am projecting this blame or this scenario around an event that was actually great for everybody cuz it created a super self-reliant kid.

1:29:34 And so I just got over that whole narrative.

1:29:36 Sadia Khan: And some men because they went through that, they’re like, I’m never going to break my home, so I just want to stay in my home. And they create more trauma by, you know, having this toxic relationship in their home. And it’s really tough because look, here’s the thing. We can’t deny the fact that a nuclear family is always better for kids.

1:29:50 It’s always always better. But if you’re going to have this attitude that I’m going to do it once and that’s it, at least pick correctly. At least be really, really diligent with who you have your children with because you can’t just have this attitude with any kind of woman because then you might set your children up to learn dad has no balls, that mom has no is getting abused. You set your kids up badly. So if you do have this mentality that I’m only going to do it once once and for all, be diligent with who you can spend your life with.

1:30:16 Brian Rose: Okay. Really good. All right. Advice right now to the woman that’s watching us who is frustrated with her dating experiences. Let’s say she’s in Dubai, and she’s like, I don’t know what to do.

1:30:28 Like, what are some basics that you want to tell her? We’ll get to the man afterwards. Just basics of things to walk her through that she can’t see that she’s doing that are either sabotaging your relationships or causing her to meet the wrong people or whatever. What are some of the basics? I’m sure these apply to everybody.

1:30:43 Sadia Khan: Yeah. Look, here’s the thing. First and foremost, men The emphasis on attraction is really important. Yeah, you can be a really wonderful woman with lots of wife skills and I agree. You’re a great wife.

1:30:55 You’re going to be a great wife, but if you don’t present that in the right packaging, unfortunately, they don’t. They are so easily distracted by be beauty, you won’t believe it. It’s so true. I’m so sad. I’m so sorry to break it to you, but if they have a choice between a who’s their dream looking woman and a wonderful, wonderful woman who is not something they’re attracted to at all, they’re going to go here.

1:31:16 It’s as simple as that.

1:31:17 Brian Rose: Because we’re narcissistic bastards.

1:31:19 Sadia Khan: You’re a piece of

1:31:20 Brian Rose: No, that’s just the way we’re wired. That’s the way we’re wired. Yeah.

1:31:24 Sadia Khan: Look, that’s kept us alive so far in this male’s nature. Now, you men in the comments, especially the ones that don’t have any women at all, they’re like, “No, I want a good virgin. I would choose a good woman over a bad woman every day of the week. Yet my ex was a narcissist. No matter if you were choosing good women, you wouldn’t be single and writing comments in my own videos and all the women you follow on Instagram.

1:31:46 Yes. So you troll shut the up wherever you are. Yeah. So we’re not talking to you. So the key thing is unfortunately until you get that in order your chances are automatically lowered.

1:31:59 Now, before it wouldn’t be that much of a problem because men would be realistic. If they are this overweight man, they would accept an overweight woman. If they are this man that’s not particularly attractive, they would accept that woman is not particularly attractive. Now, instead of accepting their standards, they turn to pornography. So, they if they have a choice between a woman who’s on their same level of attractiveness, maybe not that attractive, or watching porn all night, they choose porn.

1:32:21 So, this is how important unfortunately is for them, particularly now. So things that you can control like your weight or things that you can control like in terms of your presentation, your smell, your aura, your confidence, your makeup, these things, especially now it’s easy to get these things. Try try and emphasize on your appearance. Make sure you make an effort everywhere you go.

1:32:40 Brian Rose: Is it a big part of a woman’s job to be beautiful?

1:32:42 Sadia Khan: I would say so. Do you know why? Not to be beautiful and of but to be her full potential, right? That’s all. Yeah.

1:32:49 To present the best version of yourself. Best version of herself. Yeah. You’re going to hear guys online saying, “We like no makeup. We like a simple down to earth girl.”

1:32:56 Blah, blah, blah. That’s the losers. The men that actually like femininity want a woman who looks like she put herself together to some extent. Yeah. To some extent, they want that.

1:33:06 So, also shows confidence and selfworth. It does something to her because what happens is when you put also shows the man that he’s important enough. Yeah. Look, even, you know, when you put a suit on or when you’re a woman that put, you know, puts a pair of heels on, it’s not like, oh, you’re going to get married that day. It just means that when somebody’s serving you coffee, they give you a bit more respect.

1:33:21 When somebody’s, you know, a cashier will be a bit nicer to you. Smile to you. People have an people gravitate to those that take care of themselves. It’s that simple. Yeah.

1:33:32 So, you firstly you want to take care of your appearance. The second thing you want to do is you want don’t want to be naive about the nature of men. Yeah. Don’t be naive about them. Even if they’re not pushing for it, they’re not asking for it.

1:33:43 The intimacy is important To them. It’s so important. If you have all the ingredients, but there’s no intimacy in that regard, they will go elsewhere. I know a lot of people say, “No, we’re the masculine men will go end up going elsewhere.” They’ll end up choosing that.

1:33:58 So, they need intimacy. They really do need intimacy. That’s not the only thing they need, but they need that attraction. Intimacy is more important than every other trait. They’re saying it’s not, but trust me, that is the most important.

1:34:08 It’s a bit like how some women will say, “No, no, I don’t need a guy to be successful. I don’t need him to be tall or anything like that.” But sometimes that’s not enough, but it’s definitely the gateway. Yeah, that’s what I would say.

1:34:18 Brian Rose: In intimacy, you just mean regular intimacy, sexual contact.

1:34:21 Sadia Khan: This is important to them. Important to them. And don’t try to justify it or it’s just the truth. Don’t try to argue with it. Yeah.

1:34:27 If Do you think do you think I like this fact about men? Oh my god. If it was up to Most women would say they’re happy to never do that for the rest of their life. No, they’re happy to give it a rest for the rest of their life, right? But obviously I can’t speak for all women, but generally speaking, they would love the idea that, you know, it’s not as important as it is.

1:34:43 Unfortunately, after speaking to so many men over the years, over the years, the number one complaint is a lack of intimacy. It is a drug to them the way that affection and love is to us. So, until we realize that, we’re going to always miscommunicate. We’re always going to So, try and understand that those things are important.

1:34:57 Brian Rose: Can I ask you a quick side question here?

1:34:59 I read an article in the New York Times recently. I don’t know why I read that stupid rag, but I do it just to see what the woke are up to. But I hate it usually. And they said that you should go on five dates before you expect to be intimate. And I was like, he’ll cheat on you perhaps.

1:35:16 Yeah, that’s all that cuz I remember watching a video and it’s a very intelligent neuroscientist and she was just like, you know, I wish I could remember her name, but she’s fantastic and she was just saying like, oh, you know, the more you make a man wait, the more, you know, the hormone that’s created for anticipation increases and the more attracted he will be to you.

1:35:33 Sadia Khan: Yes, if he was actually waiting, majority of the time they end up just watching porn or going on dates with other women. So all you’re doing is decreasing the anticipation because they outsource it.

1:35:42 Brian Rose: Some men don’t outsource it.

1:35:43 Sadia Khan: Yeah, you’re very lucky that happens, but majority of men will end up outsourcing it. So this is where women are stuck. Listen, and I really feel bad for them because nobody wants to have intimacy straight away as a woman. Yeah.

1:35:54 And most women don’t want that. They really really don’t want that. The only thing to remember is if you can’t expect total loyalty from them until they get it, unfortunately. It’s just not going to happen.

1:36:05 Brian Rose: That’s crazy.

1:36:06 Sadia Khan: So, they’re not going to be fully invested until there’s intimacy. And some men will, but they’ll be the losers.

1:36:12 Brian Rose: Right. Okay. And so, how many dates?

1:36:14 Sadia Khan: I wish I could know. I It’s just how it’s not five though. I don’t know. But I would say that it just depends on his ability to control himself in between dates. Yeah.

1:36:22 If he can really control himself, great. Majority men don’t know how to control themselves. That’s the only thing to bear in mind.

1:36:27 Brian Rose: All right. I took an aside there, but you did really good.

1:36:29 Brian Rose: So, yes, attraction and intimacy.

1:36:31 Sadia Khan: Yeah, attraction intimacy. After attraction, intimacy, what I would say is nurture is super super important. Like the thing is this individualism is this idea that why should I cook for my husband? Why should I clean?

1:36:41 Why should I do this? Why? Why? Why? Why?

1:36:43 You don’t have to. You don’t actually have to. But the thing is, it’s just how they receive love. It’s just how they receive love in general speaking. Yes, you can.

1:36:50 Maybe you can do lots of other nice things for them, but how they feel loved when there’s a hot meal when they come in or when there’s a coffee ready for them when they means more to them than those deep long conversations you have about his day. It is just how they are wired. Yeah. And you can say, “But I’m always there for him. I always listen when he comes back from work and I’m always going with him to business deals and stuff.”

1:37:12 I know. But making their life a bit easier by those kind of things means a bit more to them than those long deep conversations holding hands. Yeah. Unfortunately, it’s just how they designed.

1:37:21 Brian Rose: Now, the final thing I would say, by the way, I just want to highlight this cuz this was another one of the earlier videos that you did where I was like, damn, Miss Sodiac girl, she’s nailing it.

1:37:31 But it’s true. Like you’ve said before, even the hardcore, most alpha, most serious male will melt if they see that you used to say anticipated his desires. Right. I’m quoting you back to you. And like sometimes I would go to work and like my gym clothes would be washed and in a bag and I’m just like wa isn’t it so nice crazy?

1:37:50 Like I’m like no one’s ever done that for me in my life. That is amazing. Or you know cooked a meal like and just ready and it’s just like wow.

1:37:57 Sadia Khan: And that’s the problem Dubai men have in Dubai with their wives cuz everything is outsourced. It’s maids cleaners.

1:38:03 They can’t remember the last time a woman just gave them handed them a cup of coffee. She and they women just refuse to why we’ve got a maid. We’ve got a maid. So I would recommend is if you do have a maid, use that for cleaning up after the kids. Use that to make your life easier in that regard.

1:38:16 But where it makes your life easier, then use that extra energy, just a coffee, just a hot meal, just a here and there. Because everybody likes that memory of their mom’s home-cooked meals. Everybody’s like, “Oh, my mom used to make that pastel.” Remember? So when you replace that with my maid’s home-cooked meals, it’s just doesn’t create the same homely environment.

1:38:33 Brian Rose: Okay. But moms aren’t relationships.

1:38:35 Sadia Khan: She said earlier that’s true. But still, this is that nurturing. This is for kids.

1:38:39 This is for the children. You nurture your man. You nurture your man like. And I know it’s hard. I know.

1:38:43 I know it’s really hard because it’s like having a lifelong child. But the thing is the reward to that is they’re just a bit nicer to you. A lot nicer if I’m honest. Yeah. A lot.

1:38:51 It’s 10 times more important than like you said the long conversation you had or going to the business. Me and you’re right. And I feel so bad saying this. I had a client once and she was like, “Oh, my husband hasn’t initiated sex in a couple of months or a couple of years and this that and the other.” And I said, “I’m going to ask, have you gained weight?”

1:39:05 “Oh, I gained 14 kg.” I was like, “There you go. It’s not. He’s not going to do it. I’m so sorry to break it to you.

1:39:11 He’s just not enough. Some men will. And I said this in an interview before as well. I said, “Some men are just loyal to the woman that they marry. Regardless of how she looks, what she does, they’re loyal to her.

1:39:20 Other women men are only loyal to the woman they fell in love with. If you change, you keep chopping and changing looks, emotionals, whatever it is, they’re not loyal to this woman because they don’t even know this woman.”

1:39:30 Brian Rose: Is that most men?

1:39:31 Sadia Khan: I would say so. Okay.

1:39:32 Well, at least most men with masculinity. The more bitter men tend to be just loyal to the woman regardless, right? Yeah. So the ones that don’t do it, you really don’t want. You don’t want it.

1:39:40 The man, like I said to you, the man that gives unconditional love is a man you don’t want. Same with the woman that gives unconditional love. You don’t want that. And it’s funny because it’s the same in your peer group. Like you wouldn’t want to hang out with a friend that would that would do that stuff because you can’t trust that person to have your back.

1:39:56 And if I’m if I’m saying to my friend, I’m going to go cheat on my husband. Like, yeah, let’s do it. Or I’m going to go steal from this guy. Yeah, let’s do it.

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1:40:50 Sadia Khan: Yeah, you’re this is not a good friend. You don’t actually care about my well-being. You actually don’t have high standards for me or you. So it’s a is enablers are not attractive. Okay.

1:41:00 So we did attraction, intimacy, nurture, nurture, I would say. And the final thing when you’re looking for men is do look at their childhood and their upbringing. Do look at it. They a lot of emphasis gets on women with daddy issues. But I would say generally Speaking look at the men look at their upbringing.

1:41:16 Look at it what it is. And if he is so passive and he’s so you know just allows you to do whatever you want and this that the other you’ll resent him later on in the beginning stages you making all the decisions you doing everything you leading feels great. You feel empowered you feel strong. You feel like he respects you. Later on you’ll feel like you have an extra child and you’ll resent him.

1:41:36 Yeah. So don’t at the same time don’t go for a narcissistic man that’s too aggressive and doesn’t take any of your feelings into consideration. You don’t want that. But a balanced man is really really important. Okay.

1:41:45 Brian Rose: Now in Dubai are the women looking for the man that has all the stuff and then super wealthy and all these things and sometimes you tell women chill on that or don’t make it about the number or is there other things where you have to tell them to chill?

1:41:59 Sadia Khan: I here’s the thing. I would generally say seek stability but not materialism. And what I mean by that is if stuff makes you happy, stuff really makes you happy, you have to really re-evaluate that your values.

1:42:10 You have too many junk values. They’re too extrinsic. If you’re the type of person that is your man can treat you terribly, but he buys you a bag, you shut up. Or your man can be awful to you, but he gives you a nice car and you shut up. Your values are too materialistic.

1:42:22 People with materialistic values unfortunately always suffer from depression in the long run. And the reason being is because materials firstly they don’t actually add value to your life. Secondly, the more materialistic you are, the more you’re in competition with others because you only realize that you’re doing well materially when you compare yourself to others. Now I’ve got more bags than her. I’ve got more shoes than her.

1:42:40 You put yourself in competition constantly with other people. So generally speaking, look for stability where you can raise good kids. You can have stable home. Don’t be financially insecure. That’s not what I’m suggesting.

1:42:50 But try and remove the joy from materialism and replace it with connection. Not just with him, people, friends, family, children. That is a better way to live your life and a better way to measure your success in your life than materials.

1:43:02 Brian Rose: Okay. Super powerful.

1:43:03 All right. Now, let’s switch it over to the men. And what do the men need to do less of or more of?

1:43:09 Sadia Khan: Okay. I hopefully you got four of those.

1:43:11 Well, in my program, I kind of do teach it, but one of the first things I say is first and foremost, when you’re checking for women, u first always look at the family dynamics. Always look at her relationship with her father. Always always look for this. Look at how her mother is. Do does she idolize her mother even though her mother’s terrible and hate her father even though the fathers sound like somewhat reasonable?

1:43:29 Look at her relationships in the background because it has a big influence because if you’re the type of man that keeps attracting women with daddy issues, you probably have them too. So you have to make sure you look at that. Yeah. Because it’s not just her. You must have it too for you to have a lot in common with women with this level of trauma or you must have a hero complex.

1:43:45 So it reveals something about you. So that’s the first thing I would say. So look at her family background. Next, look at her relationship with money. Now, some women only know how to spend but not generate money.

1:43:54 Those women tend to get anxious. They tend to get super super anxious if they got high spending, no generation of money. They get super super anxious. Now, if you’re a man in Dubai and you’re thinking, “Oh, but I don’t need her to work. I don’t need her to work.

1:44:05 It’s okay. She can live at home.” Being able to generate money is a really important part of your self-esteem as a human being. You know, men, women, children, everything. It’s a big part of it.

1:44:13 So that when they don’t have the ability to generate, but they really like to spend, you don’t know if they’re with you because you provide that generation of money or because they actually like you. Women will only know their type when they’re financially secure and they can make their own money. When they are financially insecure, they’ll walk into a room and be like, “What watch has he got on? What shoes is he wearing? What car is he driving?

1:44:30 She doesn’t even know what her physical type is.” One day she’s dating a Chinese billionaire, the next minute she’s dating a drug dealer. She doesn’t know what her type is. So her ability to generate money is really important for our self-esteem and for her selection process. The other thing would be your attraction.

1:44:45 Don’t compromise on attraction but at the same time don’t allow attraction to override all the other traits. That’s our problem, right? Because we’re stunned by beauty and we can just do the stupidest things and override everything. So you got to really check yourself a little bit. Check yourself with that which is hard.

1:44:59 But at the same time, don’t compromise where you’re not attracted at all because then you make her feel ugly. You’ll probably initiate less. You probably won’t put in your effort. So on and so forth. So, attraction is important, but it can’t override all the other traits.

1:45:11 Yeah. So, make sure it’s there. But don’t override. And the final thing I would say is just general lifestyle and values. And what I mean by that, it could be as simple as she I’m a really patient person.

1:45:22 She’s really impatient. Chances are you’re going to fight over small things. Yeah, you’re going to fight over everything because they like to get things done quickly. You’re a slow paced person. Or let’s say for example, you’re really healthy.

1:45:30 She’s super unhealthy. If your lifestyles are super super misaligned and you generally don’t agree on a lot of things, you’re gonna have chaos and just small things like let’s say for example I’m a really fastpaced person. I have nothing in common with people who are so slow, so calm, so slow at making decisions. I might rap it like come on, I’ll end up murdering them. So I’d say those four things if you can bear that in mind.

1:45:54 I do go into this in a lot of detail in my master class and in my program. So, you’re welcome to, you know, join if you’re watching. But that’s what I would recommend is those four things to put those in place.

1:46:03 Brian Rose: Okay, good. I like it.

1:46:04 Brian Rose: I’m having some flashbacks. I’ve had some very frugal girlfriends in the past, you know. Well, they’re frugal with other people’s money, but with their like sorry, with their own money, but sometimes with the man’s money, they’re super generally like they’re spending a lot. So, yeah, I think I chose wisely a few times where sometimes I would get them I would I would watch them and then when I’d spoil them, sometimes they would just be like this is too much money.

1:46:22 Like, don’t do that.

1:46:23 Sadia Khan: Yeah, I like that. But one thing I would say sometimes men because she’s like not materialistic, they don’t give her anything because they’re like, “Oh, she doesn’t care.” blah blah blah. But really, the fact that she’s not a big spender, reward her more than the person who’s like, “Take me here, take me there.” Reward the person who’s actually conscious of your money.

1:46:37 Yeah. Buy her things that she buy yourself. And again, like if you chose wisely, then you love to do that, isn’t it?

1:46:42 Brian Rose: Yeah. It’s nice.

1:46:43 Sadia Khan: It’s nice. It’s just like if you are a feminine woman, you actually enjoy when they like your food or you enjoy when you’ve got their clothes ready for them. You enjoy these things. But when you’re not naturally feminine, you see it as oppressive. Similarly, men who are naturally masculine, they enjoy providing for their wife.

1:46:58 They enjoy giving her and spoiling her and making sure that she’s not got anything to worry about. But when he’s not naturally masculine, he sees that as oh, she’s using me. So, these two people always kind of the ends of society that are not in their masculine or feminine. It’s a really interesting dynamic. Yeah.

1:47:12 Brian Rose: I mean, I’m now providing for the family, not just a person. And it Where else is your money going to go? Yeah. Yeah. And there’s nothing there’s nothing more fulfilling as a man than providing for your family.

1:47:22 It’s like I something that makes me the happiest. And even when you just like take your kids to a nice restaurant, you’re like, “Oh my god, it’s so nice that I get to take them wherever I want and not have to check the price and they get to order whatever they want and I never have to think.” So nice little things. Yeah. My boys are just hanging out, you know, on the plane and we’re going to Kenya and they’re just like in their own world doing their own thing and I’m just thinking, man, they don’t even know that we’re doing this and like I can do this and it just feels amazing.

1:47:46 Sadia Khan: Yeah, I know.

1:47:47 Brian Rose: It’s another one of those great couple more things. We got artificial intelligence coming up and then some woman fell in love with an AI the other day. Somebody married an AI and these sound like jokes, but they’re not jokes anymore because they’re not jokes. These are these things are becoming really sentient and maybe maybe much better versions than these in life.

1:48:05 Now potentially they have all these physical devices as well that can make them intimate. This is happening, right? And it’s going to happen sooner than later.

1:48:12 Sadia Khan: Absolutely. But the training ground came from pornography.

1:48:15 So the people who had AI in mind they would have started with pornography. They knew that the first step the footstep towards this kind of lifestyle would be getting men used to voyerism Getting them used to having sexual pleasure from somebody who is not experiencing them they’re just experiencing you know watching that person. So getting them used to this mentality where it’s one way one way pleasure seeking you’re not giving someone pleasure you’re just taking it taking.

1:48:40 The second thing is to get them used to selection, choosing whatever kind of you could search anything you want. You can search absolutely anything you want. You know, you can search sepsises, you can search twins, you can search this, any color, any size, any shape, you can search it. It’s as dangerous as it can get. So, you can have any kind of selection.

1:48:57 The third thing is the low effort involved. You don’t have to be attractive. You don’t have to be good sexually. You don’t have to be anything useful and you can still access all that pleasure. Only through decades of getting men used to this do you now get them into AI.

1:49:10 And here’s the key. Because they start so young, the boy boys watching pornography, I’ll know 19 year old boys that need to take Viagra because they can’t get it. Yeah. They and I know other men who are like maybe older or in your generation. They’re like, “What are you talking about?

1:49:23 I was fine. When I was 19, I couldn’t like I couldn’t control it. It would never go down.” But they’re having to take it and take it because they can’t get it to move. They can’t get anything from it because they’ve been overstimulated.

1:49:32 Over stimulated from too young. So these men don’t want to be around real women and get real feedback. That’s the most embarrassing experience for a young man where you can’t get it to work and you know a girl’s going to at that age girls tell everybody. Yeah. They tell everybody.

1:49:46 Yeah. They’re not ashamed to so they would rather avoid the feedback and then what’s the perfect combination? An AI girlfriend. So the footsteps of the Satan were programmed from decades before. And that’s why AI will be a natural transition for men that were raised on pornography.

1:50:02 Brian Rose: All right. Right. So, to any man who’s listening to this, just really check take a look at your behavior because it’s ultimately going to bite you.

1:50:09 Sadia Khan: Yeah. And I did a video not so long ago and I said honestly, the number one skill that keeps men in their masculine, their boundaries is how they perform sexually.

1:50:17 You meet a man that is not proud of his performance, who is not confident in his performance. He accepts quite a lot of abuse in relationships because he doesn’t feel like he has alternatives. He doesn’t feel like he can go elsewhere. He doesn’t feel confident that other women will actually enjoy him. So, they stick to what they know.

1:50:31 Whereas men that have confidence in that area, it gives them a confidence to walk away. It’s heavily linked without them realizing this. Yeah. Without them realizing this. And I only learned this through working with so many clients and thinking, “Oh, I love this girl and she’s the best ex I’ve ever had.

1:50:45 She she’s rude to him, disrespectful, she’s cheating on him.” So, I’m saying to him, “But you’re obviously not the best in her opinion because look how she’s acting towards you. So, why is this so important?” And then when you dig deeper, you realize it’s not that she’s the best or not that the relationship is the best. It’s just that that’s the only place where he doesn’t feel nervous about the feedback cuz he’s they’re used to each other.

1:51:04 So unfortunately, it’s so linked to their confidence.

1:51:07 Brian Rose: You know, it’s weird when you know, I’ve been around for many decades and so I’ve tried things like the strip clubs and the porn, but I always just feel terrible afterwards. It always feels like it’s such a waste that I’ve just stopped doing it because it’s like I just I remember that behavior made me feel like stupid afterwards and so I don’t do it.

1:51:27 Sadia Khan: But that’s the crux of self-esteem is knowing how you’re going to feel after rather than during.

1:51:33 And that’s with everything. Same with going to the gym. I even after working out for years, I don’t enjoy the gym. I unfortunately I never got to be that person that loves working out. But the feeling after is more important than the feeling during.

1:51:46 And that’s what self-esteem relies on is a feeling after rather than a feeling during that will lead to good decision- making. Right. It’s temporary. It’s suspending pleasure to get something more important. Yeah.

1:51:57 To get peace. All right. So, just keep an eye on this. And porn is the gateway drug to then the AI girlfriend and everything else and to the erectile dysfunction that as well. That’s okay.

1:52:07 As a young man, please don’t get yourself in that situation. It’s so soul destroying. Is so soul destroying because you know mo most people get erectile previous generations were like later on in life and it’s understandable by that time women expect that but when you get it in your 19 20 in your 20ies women at first might be like okay it’s me it must be me like maybe I’m and they start taking it personal later she’ll just be like I need somebody else this is not going to work for me and she ends up leaving and leaving and leaving and it leads to a lot of low self-esteem

1:52:36 Brian Rose: okay what about digital interactions besides physical interactions I mean right Now, you know, you can have a date or you can go out to a group evening and you got a lot of downside there, right?

1:52:46 You can have a terrible time. You can get rejected. You can meet people that aren’t nice. You’re not. But then if you go online, you know, it’s never going to be that bad.

1:52:54 You might watch a video that might not be great, but you can turn it off and you’re going to have a pretty good night. Whereas when you go out, you know, you could have something that turns into a real bummer. And now people are starting maybe to avoid that. And maybe that’s maybe the point.

1:53:06 Sadia Khan: But here’s the thing.

1:53:07 Men should be risktakers. As a man, your masculinity depends on your risk takingaking. Now, if you stick to what you know is going to be good all the time, like turning on Pornhub, you know you’re going to get what you know what you’re going to get. You are reducing your own risk-taking ability. Those men that do that are so fearful as human beings.

1:53:25 They don’t want to go to social events. They don’t want to meet a lot of women. They don’t want to go in, I’m nervous, I’m nervous, I’m nervous. They’re so fearful. Now, what women and humans are attracted to is fearlessness.

1:53:35 Now, I don’t think I’m particularly that wise or anything, but one of the main feedbacks I get is my fearlessness. Now, that is something I definitely am. I have zero concern who I offend, who I spend time like because the people I love love me, so that’s okay. But there’s a fearlessness in me. And I think human nature is attracted to fearlessness because they’re thinking there’s a sacrifice you’re taking to say this.

1:53:54 So, you must mean it. But fearful people, they don’t achieve anything in life. They stay stuck. And this is one of the things I see in London. I’ll meet people who are full of fear.

1:54:04 They’re stuck in that same job, but they hate their manager. Hate everything. Hate, hate, hate. But they’ve got no courage to leave that job. Or they hate the city.

1:54:11 They hate where they live. It’s too expensive. No courage to leave. The lack of courage just literally is slapping the life out of them. And you have got to remember men have evolved to be fighting lions like you know animals getting in pred.

1:54:24 You’re designed to be fearless. That’s how God made you. That’s how you were designed in the you know, hunter gatherers times. As a man, you’re designed to be fearless. When you induce fear in yourself by avoiding things that could be risk-taking and could have a risk of good or bad, you diminish your own masculinity.

1:54:39 And that’s why the fun happens anyways, right? You got to take risks, unfortunately. And here’s one of this one of the main reasons I’ve never tried alcohol is because I know that alcohol numbs your chances of having a bad time. You’re going to go wherever you go to, you’re going to end up having a good time relatively because you’re drinking. And I remember when I used to be a teacher and they would go to these really dingy, dirty little pubs and be like, “Yeah, having the best time.”

1:54:59 No, no, this is disgusting. Why are we here? And it’s because they had numbed their own reactions. And I just thought, if I had numb my reaction, I won’t know what I actually like and dislike. I won’t know this feeling of like, oh, this is not great.

1:55:10 This is great. How would I know my own identity? How would I know who I am? So, you need human responses, good and bad, in order to know who you are.

1:55:19 Brian Rose: What a great observation.

1:55:20 Praise God. I mean, I’ve been sober now seven years and being around drunk people.

1:55:23 Sadia Khan: Congratulations.

1:55:24 Brian Rose: Thanks.

1:55:24 Sadia Khan: What made you want to stop drinking?

1:55:26 Brian Rose: Because I’ve been drinking all my life and it was just not serving me and I finally stopped.

1:55:31 Sadia Khan: It doesn’t serve anyone to be fair. No, it’s terrible. It’s the most dangerous drug in the world. If it was created now, it would be a schedule one.

1:55:39 It’s it takes you away from reality. It’s just the worst. Every mistake can be almost taken back to alcohol.

1:55:44 Brian Rose: Yes. And again, now when I hang out with I can hang out with people while they’re drinking.

1:55:49 It doesn’t mind, but after midnight, it’s not cool. Evenings I can’t especially in Dubai, I can’t go out in evenings. People start acting stupid. Yeah. It’s tacky.

1:55:57 Sadia Khan: Yeah. And like you said, they think they’re having fun, but there’s you can you’re like this isn’t fun. You’re Not having fun. You’re a grownup dancing to Abba in the middle of the night. Like, go home.

1:56:06 You have a family. Go home. So, it’s just Yeah, it’s not fun. And I am such a realist that I’d rather feel real horrible emotions than fake good emotions.

1:56:15 Brian Rose: Is this the best feedback loop?

1:56:17 Sadia Khan: Yeah. I need to know.

1:56:18 Brian Rose: One of my guests said something. He said, people that take substances, they can’t handle reality. Yeah.

1:56:25 And he was a man and he was pushing men. He was saying, “Look, if you don’t like your reality, then change your reality. Don’t numb the reality.” Yeah. Don’t change your feelings, change your actions.

1:56:33 Sadia Khan: Exactly. And they just want to change their feelings all the time. And that’s just And that’s what one of the things that porn does. When you keep getting rejected, you can just feel like you’ve achieved something. But same with video games.

1:56:43 It’s like you’re not actually achieving the skills and tools you need to win or to achieve it. It’s just, you know, numbing that. So that’s why video games, porn, all these stuff is just takes away the men’s masculinity a lot.

1:56:55 Brian Rose: Okay, I like that. What’s next for Sadia?

1:56:57 And do you still enjoy this? I would say that you really do.

1:57:00 Sadia Khan: Do I? How do I come across as I do? I don’t.

1:57:03 What do Tell me as an observer. What does it come across?

1:57:06 Brian Rose: You seem just super excited to dive in and talk to me about the things that you must have talked about hundreds of times before and your energy levels super high. You’re super engaged and you’re like, “Yeah, yeah, let’s get into this.” So, it seems like you’re really passionate about this still.

1:57:20 Sadia Khan: You know, I would say it’s more I enjoy talking to you than the actual. So, it’s more just, you know, even before when we weren’t talking about this stuff, I’m still excited to talk about something. So, I’m a people person. I would say me personally, I do find it overwhelming. I do find myself getting a bit tired.

1:57:34 I do find myself because the thing is I actually would happily give it this all up tomorrow, deactivate, and not be allowed. But the problem is nobody says the things I’m saying. And that’s why I’m just like I feel like I have to say it because I don’t see anybody else and be like you have hit the nail on the head of what’s going on in men or you’ve hit the nail on the head of what’s wrong with society. If I could find that person and give the baton I’d easily tap out.

1:57:59 But because I feel like I have an insight that I genuinely believe works. I wouldn’t say this if it wasn’t true. It’s almost like having the cure to cancer in your mind. It’s like you kind almost have to do it until the pharmaceuticals take it and patent it. Like that’s how I see it.

1:58:13 So because I’m on the ground and because I understand masculinity in a way that a lot of people and especially in the western world don’t and because I understand what women truly reward I feel like because I haven’t seen that yet I almost have to kind of carry on and I kind of have to be the person that everybody kind of attacks and why did she say it but if I don’t say it nobody will get the truth out there. So I almost feel like I’m sorry I sound like a bit like a martyr but I feel like that’s how I feel. And so even though I find it a bit exhausting and the other thing with me is I don’t take any pride from being big on social media and I don’t take pride from people coming up to me and like I don’t know I don’t know why I almost get shy and a bit embarrassed.

1:58:47 I don’t really like praise. So I find that stuff just doesn’t do anything for my ego but because the bigger cause is if I don’t say this there’s a lot of families going to be broken or if I don’t say this a lot of men doing the wrong things or a lot of women going down the wrong path. So if I don’t say it no one else will. So, I’ll carry on until we can find my AI version and I can quit.

1:59:07 Brian Rose: And you would?

1:59:08 Sadia Khan: Oh, 100%. I would be in in the middle of nowhere. I say this, but I am quite a people person. So, I doubt I’ll be able to do it permanently like or I could just be in solitude, but I could I could definitely happily like take a little step back if it was up to me. But I think the great the train all praise be to God.

1:59:26 One thing I thought when we first met that year was 2023 and I did my first ever podcast the beginning of 2023. That was it. And so about two years ago, that was the first time I ever did it. And then that year I thought, okay, this is just my gravy train. This is just my five minutes.

1:59:39 No problem. By the end of this year, like I’ll be forgotten. It’s slack and then I’ll go back to normal. All praise be to God. And all praise be to God.

1:59:45 It hasn’t quite died down. So I have to accept that maybe while there’s a demand I’ll keep doing. No problem.

1:59:51 Brian Rose: It’s a huge demand. Do you like dealing with your clients more so than say talking on a show like this?

1:59:57 Sadia Khan: Clients. I do prefer clients only because it’s like you can see I think podcasts make a really good impact. Lots of people message me and say your podcast really helped me and so on and so forth. But the visceral kind of reaction when you kind of give that person that aha moment is really nice. So I have shifted it to group kind of ones as well.

2:00:12 So people can join in a group or do onetoone only because some people are prefer a group and like to hear the interaction between men and women. They like that. So that’s why the program is going to cater to groups as well. But I think I the reason I’ve never stopped doing oneto ones is because there’s no way my impact in podcast would be even 10% if I wasn’t on the ground every day learning from human beings. So until that if I didn’t have that there’s no way I could have the podcast scene.

2:00:37 They go directly otherwise I’d just be quoting other people and you know listening to a few quotes that I read about narcissism and repeating it on a podcast and waiting for it to go viral which is never going to be me. And then no one would feel the authenticity. Yeah. And then you couldn’t really look me in the eye and say everything I say is true. Yeah.

2:00:53 I But I can say it because I’m on the ground and I say that with all your guests. I’m sure you know. It’s only the people that genuinely make money know how to make money or genuinely know how to biohack and then know how to do it. The doctors they their work outside of the podcast is what drives a podcast. But if you’re just doing podcasts and you want to go on guests because you just want a bit of clout, you’ll see that their arguments start to fade after a little while.

2:01:16 They won’t they won’t truly have any substance. Yeah, and I said there’s these kind of wannabe ideas out there and God bless them and it’s the ultimate compliment, right? They say, but the funny thing in Dubai because Dubai is quite a shallow kind of environment. I’ll always walk into a room and people like and my friends might say, “Oh, do you know Sadi? She does a lot of podcast.”

2:01:34 Oh, no, never heard of her. And then you check and they’ve been following you for a long time. They know you inside out, blah blah, but they have to pretend that they don’t. So, the good thing about Dubai is because they’re so busy pretending that they don’t know who you are, they leave you alone quite a bit. So, that’s the nice thing.

2:01:46 Brian Rose: Yeah. Is they don’t want people to know they might need relationship help. They don’t want to come across like a fan or they don’t want

2:01:52 Sadia Khan: which I would never think I would never think you’re a fan just because it just means you got Wi-Fi. You just everybody knows you everybody knows when I say Sia everyone’s like I know and I know that and I’ve got no ego attached to that. That just means that you got Wi-Fi.

2:02:03 That doesn’t mean I’m so special. It just means that you’re connected to Tik Tok.

2:02:06 Brian Rose: She said that anybody with Wi-Fi is watching you.

2:02:08 Sadia Khan: Absolutely true. And if you don’t know me, you haven’t paid your bills.

2:02:11 So go pay them. So that’s how I see. And but I’ve got no ego attached to that. That they think that oh she’s going to get so excited if I tell her I know who I am. I’m like you know me it’s okay.

2:02:22 So that’s why in Dubai they leave you alone but the undercurrent is the you know they know everybody knows.

2:02:27 Brian Rose: That’s funny. That’s funny. And you touched on Islam a little bit, but like a lot of your base IP is the fact that you know you have some eastern values from your family from Pakistan and also Islam is like this stand this base level that kind of permeates through everything you’re saying. Whether it means that okay yeah men have had multiple wives for many centuries and that’s been you know written about and talked about or whether it means I think the east is a little bit more less individual more family and that all comes through your stuff as well right yeah

2:02:55 Sadia Khan: I would say this is the look one of the things I would say I’ve always been a religious person I’ve always believed in God and prayed five times a day and all those things but when I started doing this work there’s Things that I would always and I you know would always question because I’d be like well that’s a bit sexist and why are men allowed to do this and How come women have to be more modest?

2:03:14 Why is that a thing? Or why do men have to be quite like protective over women? Why can’t they just do whatever they want? And I never had a problem with it. But I did have those questions.

2:03:22 The more I did my work, I just realized the more you stray from those values, you lose your wife anyway. These are values from the Quran. Quran. Yeah. Right.

2:03:28 And you so first questions like these are a little extreme or maybe they were good back in 1000. I just used to think but God come on like you know it doesn’t mean like she doesn’t have to be he doesn’t have to be so protective. It’s okay. Like we live in a world where you know it’s okay but then I realized that every man that lacks these traits lacks a relationship. So it’s almost like it reaffirmed my already faith that was there that before that I might have thought what is this like how can why would they want two wives that doesn’t make any sense but when you work with so many men that end up having mistresses anyway or they end up cheating because they don’t get any intimacy or women can’t keep up with their drive over time anyway I’m just thinking but if this wasn’t in there as a clause there’d be broken homes everywhere right and then I was just like oh okay now all praise be to God like it’s all come full circle and any questions I had God just showed me through my work that now you understand why I made men these rules.

2:04:17 It’s for your own and his kind of protection for your family.

2:04:20 Brian Rose: That’s wild. So I just sat down with Jules Sullivan the sartorial shooter known as one of the you know good buddies of Andrew Tate and he kind of defended him with the time but he’s reverted to Islam a few years ago. He comes from Australia and he’s like a, you know, big scary looking ex-soldier. And he said that the more and more he reads the Quran, the more he realizes that like all of the answers to doing a business, all of the answers to being a man are all in there.

2:04:45 And he’s like, I really wish I would have read this 20 years ago because it’s all spelled out for him.

2:04:49 Sadia Khan: And that’s why I’ll get so many of these insults being like, how can you listen to a woman telling you about masculinity? But it’s not about women. It’s human nature. It’s not man or women that possess this knowledge.

2:04:57 It’s human nature that possesses it. So when I kind of stir back to it and that protection and that kind of masculinity and that zero tolerance towards advices like pornography and alcohol and stuff like that, it only when you break the laws of God, you only sin against yourself anyway. And I realized that in relationships more than anything, God really gave me the blueprint of it. Now, I got blessed that I live in this world and society where I see it so opposite and I’ve kind of found a hybrid of the two where it’s not just like, oh, you know, I’m not preaching.

2:05:25 I’m genuinely telling you relationship dynamics, but it happens to be in line with my religion anyway. So, I’m very lucky and blessed in that regard. There’s only one Saudi A and there will only ever be one for probably the safety of society. If there was too many of me, I think there would be like some nuclear wars.

2:05:40 Brian Rose: The third born that should have been a man Pakistani family with the strong father with Islam as the base but also spent some time in London and now we get this crazy this crazy girl right right of course with all your fame comes the hate as well and you just get that and you’re just out there

2:05:54 Sadia Khan: but I’ve always said to people I’ve always had that even before I was somebody I was a nobody and people used to give me a lot of hate and I was like at least now they got a reason but before I used to get it for no reason at least now I kind of understand why

2:06:06 Brian Rose: but because you were outspoken you mean

2:06:08 Sadia Khan: always outspoken I always looked to take care of my appearance and I think that wasn’t always what the problem is you it’s okay if you take care of your appearance but then you’re not supposed to be smart as well that was the problem so it’s just like why you wear makeup if you’re going to be smart choose one or the other and I was just like no I’ll wear heels and I’ll do my makeup and I will be teach you everything you’ve ever learned so I think that was the triggering moment and you know what can you do

2:06:32 Brian Rose: I love it how can people join this 3M

2:06:34 Sadia Khan: it’s like a yeah masterass so please feel free to just drop me a message

2:06:37 On Instagram with the word masterclass and my team will definitely send you a link and you are most welcome to join the free webinars where I do outline everything I discussed today but in more detail.

2:06:46 Brian Rose: Okay. And what about personal you know one-on-one therapy or a couple’s therapy?

2:06:49 Sadia Khan: It will be involved in that. If you do go through that route there’ll be options for you to have personal and onetoone couples therapy.

2:06:55 Brian Rose: Okay. And what’s the best place for people to get more Saudia if they need it? Is it Instagram or YouTube?

2:07:00 Sadia Khan: Yeah the Saudia Psychology and YouTube is Saudia Psychology. It’s just Saudi Psychology and then you’ll be able to find me somewhere.

2:07:06 Brian Rose: Okay. And you promise to keep doing this until until you guys don’t want anymore.

2:07:11 Sadia Khan: Or until there’s somebody that I can trust and like, okay, this person’s got it. I understand. They get it.

2:07:17 So, I can pass it to that person.

2:07:19 Brian Rose: So, stop at this point. No, just keep it going. Just keep it going.

2:07:22 Sadia Khan: Inshallah.

2:07:23 Brian Rose: Yeah. It’s so needed. It’s just so needed. Yeah. Yeah.

2:07:26 Sadia Khan: Thank you. I appreciate it coming from you because you speak to a lot of people. So, for you to say it, I appreciate far more than people who don’t really aren’t in this space because this is quite an elite space where we are. So you kind of speak with people who have got great minds all day every day. So when somebody with that kind of you know background says it, I will definitely take it seriously.

2:07:44 Brian Rose: Good. Please do. Please take everything I say seriously. But yeah, it’s true and I’ve talked to people for 14 years and I’ve talked about relationships and all these things in the past and I keep an eye out for everybody that I see online and I’m always watching and you know you’ve always made a massive impact. You’ve taught me things about myself.

2:08:01 You taught me things about past relationships and like you know maybe you are always right

2:08:05 Sadia Khan: and I’m going to teach you a lot about Dubai when you live here cuz now we’re neighbors.

2:08:09 Brian Rose: Great. Well that sounds great.

2:08:11 Sadia Khan: Don’t forget ifar for Ramadan.

2:08:12 Brian Rose: Oh yeah of course.

2:08:13 All right. Great. It was my first Ramadan in Dubai and I can celebrate like a proper local. I can’t wait. Amazing stuff.

2:08:18 Thank you so much. To be continued. So much knowledge here. I definitely recommend people come to your master class. Maybe I’ll come to your master class too.

2:08:26 Sadia Khan: Good. That’d be fun. But thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed this conversation. And sometimes I get a bit tired going to podcast, but here I just felt very invigorated.

2:08:32 So, thank you very much.

2:08:37 Brian Rose: Okay, we’ll do it again soon. Charlotte, thank you. And thank you to Web3 TV. We’ll see you next time on London Real.